January 1, 2006

PIN THE TAIL. ON THE DONKEY.

I would submit, in this brand new year of the Papist calendar we must cleave unto, that that is a sick construct. Imagine: herding small children together. Then forcing them to, under blindfolded duress startlingly akin to waterboarding and Bushtorture, cram a damned pushpin into a burro's ass. Or eyeball. Who knows? The little buggers are blindfolded, after all. Sick shit.

I am aggrieved. Most especially because I am a Full Disclosure site, and must share my suffering, despite the fact you don't give fuck all. Lookit:

My little brother had birthday parties all the time. Every year. He was the Paris Hilton of his era, basking in birthday party gooditude. Me? I had one birthday party. At, like, six. And had to have it next door, at my neighbor's, who was born on the same day. And may I add that her parents were so offended their child was born on the same day as me that they took out classified ads purporting that their child was actually borned at 11:59:59 on the day before? Bastards.

But: pin the tail on the fucking donkey. I horned in on my little brother's birthday party one year, and, not being blindfolded, pinned the tail, pinned the tail, on that frigging donkey, several times, and scoffed at the little heathens. Took the wind outta their sails. What an asshole thing to do.

And yet I would do it again today.

Why? Attention, man. And the all important Why Not? Powerful forces.

Posted by Velociman at January 1, 2006 1:52 AM
Comments

Full Disclosure? You ain't right.

Happy New Fucking Year to you 2.

Posted by: Yabu at January 1, 2006 4:50 AM

Should've used real donkeys. That would've been a challenge.

Hope 2006 is happy and healthy for your family.

Posted by: rankin' rob at January 1, 2006 11:12 AM

Perfectly logical, really. Why blind yourself as to avoid the objective? It has to be done sometime. Why drag it out?

At least with a pinata you get the pleasure of collateral damage.

Posted by: Cythen at January 1, 2006 11:33 AM

Happy happy to you too, V-man!

Posted by: Michele at January 1, 2006 12:46 PM

Dude. You can be the Nicky Hilton...

Never mind. Hiltons are vastly overrated. You are the V-Man. That's better.

BTW, I've read this post every day since you posted it, and it entertains every time...

Posted by: sadie at January 3, 2006 1:00 PM

Feliz navidad, brudda! God bless you with discernment.

Posted by: fido at January 3, 2006 8:26 PM

Quien es mas macho? Pin the Tail on the Donkey, o Bashing el Pinata?

Pinata-bashing...now, that is some sick, twisted shit. Think of what it teaches the little chirren. "Bash this nice Fake Animal, and candy comes out." Logic would have it, then, that if I whale the snot out of Little Brother, then perhaps filets mignons will come out.

Posted by: Elisson at January 4, 2006 6:45 AM

A much belated Happy New Year to you too V-Man. I thought it might be your birthday there for a second or 30.

Either way... happy whatever the fuck it is.

Note: (no winks...) V-Man don't like 'em.

Posted by: RedNeck at January 4, 2006 5:14 PM

In the interest of full disclosure, your little brother had exactly one birthday party. In 1966. Age 7. Quit trying to make your readers believe you were discriminated against.

Posted by: Little Brother at January 5, 2006 4:30 PM

Fuck you, Paris. I was your waterboy. Should have pinned the tail on your ass.

Posted by: Velociman at January 5, 2006 10:39 PM

moms.adult-bloggers

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Posted by: Ed at November 14, 2006 4:15 AM
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