Velociworld

EASY MONEY

I read in this morning's paper that a thousand (a thousand!) truckers were cooling their heels at Jax Naval Air Station, bidden there by FEMA to deliver emergency relief supplies to south Florida hurricane victims. The only problem? No supplies, no need, red tape, some undefined government clusterfuck had them chilling. No Go. And yet these 1,000 truckers are being paid $443 a day by FEMA to sit around playing tiddlywinks.

Being an enterprising lad, I showed up pulling my little trash trailer behind the Blazer, demanding my $443, plus 3 hots and a cot. Can you believe I was turned away because I don't possess a Commercial Driver's License? A mere technicality, in the face of a pivotal and heart-wrenching travail.

So I'm going to Plan B. I'll round up some skank ho's on Phillips Highway tomorrow, and ferry them to NAS (yes, they will have to ride in the trash trailer. I once gave some hitchhiking girls a ride in my Celica in 1973, and never got the fucking BO out of my car. Hey. It was foggy. They looked clean at the time.) Those lot lizards should do a pretty good job of scraping a decent percentage out of that $443 per diem. And half to me. Those boys need comforting, and I'm all about greasing the skids in a moment of national tragedy.