October 26, 2005
TSAR BOMBA
My bloodbrother Yabu knows me. He knows what I like. What I crave. Some folks are scrapbookers. They loves to look at pictures of the chirren, and reminesce. And I like that, too.
But what I really like is immersing myself in the recliner, or at the computer, and gazing longingly at pictures of the Dread mushroom cloud, both fissioned and thermonuclear. Something well beyond penis envy, I reckon.
And so Yabu sent me this link, a veritable cornucopia of atomic images. Sweet. And don't forget, just because they were tests doesn't mean there weren't casualties. They sent soldiers in to see how close they could get before their faces melted. They sent janitors in to sweep that radioactive detritus up. They tied goats to posts 12 miles away. Well, if they didn't, they damned well should have. Field tests are all about collecting data. Scientific method, you know.
But: the beauty. Yabu knows I've been looking for pix of the Tsar Bomba. The largest thermonuclear device ever detonated. The Russkies detonated it in 1961 as a kind of calling card that the two year mutual ban on above ground testing was over. They were unilateral like that. Like that Bush guy. And not just any bomb. 50 megatons of asswhup. That's 3,850 Hiroshimas. Armageddon. I'm pretty certain that calling card was not delivered upon a silver salver.
So I could never find a decent pic of the mushroom cloud. Just pix of the bomber, the drop, the parachute, whatever. But now I have, in all its glory, the Tsar Bomba:
That explosion to the left? I think that was our other moon exploding from peripheral impact. What? You didn't know we used to have two moons? I cannot believe what they teach kids today. Hell, we used to have two full moons a month when I was a baby. 12 tides a day. Lunar eclipses every other week. Don't get me started on the menstrual cycles. You guys missed out.
But yes. There are far more beautiful images of nuclear holocaust in that gallery. But do not be fooled. Tsar Bomba was the Long Dong Silver of explosions.
Man, sometimes I miss the Cold War.
Fucking A...I miss it 2.
Posted by: Yabu at October 26, 2005 11:13 PMI like to call this Velociporn.
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/nuclearpower.html
Posted by: Anna at October 27, 2005 2:10 AMI have a superb coffee table book that you would enjoy...100 Suns, consisting of 100 photographs of US atomic tests (50 in the Southwestern desert, 50 in the Pacific). Beautiful - and disturbing.
Somewhere in the footnotes there may be a pic of Tsar Bomba, too.
I have a number of nuclear weapon videos, too. Oh, did I tell you I was obsessed with this shit as a kid?
Wow, that is better than firecrackers in an anthill. I gotta up my standards for exposion thrills.
Posted by: hoosierboy at October 27, 2005 11:17 AMIn my defense, I pick up all of my photo albums the same place I get my toothpaste. (And you won't see me on any scrapbooking cruise either!)
Posted by: Key at October 27, 2005 6:29 PM"Tsar Bomba was the Long Dong Silver of explosions"
Now THAT is poetic :-)
Posted by: Harvey at October 27, 2005 9:02 PMOh Anna, thank you, I am so stealing that. I am all atingle as we speak.
Posted by: Bane at October 27, 2005 10:00 PMWhat was Long Dong Silver?
Posted by: MunDane at October 28, 2005 4:19 PMAsk Clarence Thomas.
Posted by: Bane at October 28, 2005 9:29 PMIm a US Marine Artilleryman and we breifly touch on nuclear weapons (especially cannon launched)in cannoneer school, but I never dreamed man was ever insane enough to create something of such raw power. Its beautiful, but frightning at the same time.
Posted by: jesse at April 19, 2008 6:48 PM