October 19, 2005
FLIPPING WHEELS
The Bride and I were attempting to remember how many vehicles we'd driven since we met lo those many years ago. Had to put pencil to paper, actually, and I'm still not sure we didn't miss one or two. To wit, and forget model years. That would just be made up stuff:
VW Bug
Ford Pinto
Saab 90EMS
Datsun 210
Mercury Lynx
Isuzu Impulse
VW Jetta
Lincoln Continental Mark IV
Silver Chevy Caprice
Chevy Spectrum
Jeep Cherokee Laredo
Ford Tempo
White Chevy Caprice
Another VW Jetta
Chrysler LeBaron convertible
Dodge Ram truck
Mercedes Benz S Class
Nissan Maxima
Chevy Blazer
Mercury Mountaineer
Ford Explorer
7 of those cars were wrecked. 5 by me, all my fault, but only one totalled. 1 by The Bride, totalled, not her fault. 1 by my daughter, totalled, her fault. Another car was stolen. Chopped up like a head of Romaine lettuce. 2 company cars in there, a coupla loaners I refused to return to the rightful owner for upwards of 4 months.
That's 21 sets of wheels. A few lemons in there, but the later models have held up well for 6 years. One thing about wrecking and flipping (selling) vehicles: you don't spend much on preventive maintenance. Hospital deductibles can be a bitch, however.
A bigger bitch is I don't see any Lamborghini Diablos, Maserati Quattroportes, or Ferrari Testarossas in that list. I'm obviously in the wrong business. Should have been a drug dealer. Well, I mean a successful one.
UPDATE: Sam picked up on this theme, and Terry seems to think I should tag people, make it a m*me. Sorry. Can't type that word. Well, since I have been known to issue fatwahs against those who would tag me with pedestrian m*me lists, and throw horny rabid badgers into the backyard with their Yorkie Muffums, let's just say pick it up or not. I really don't give a shit one way or the other. I'm all about the credit, not the idea.
You don't want a quattroporte. You can buy a used on cheap anywhere, because a tuneup costs $1200,(it needs one several times a year) normal maintenance is nearly impossible, and the parts that break require a mortgage. lamborghini, eh. However, for the price of one of the Exploders, you could lay your hands on a nice Ferarri 308, and they're pretty reliable and easy to maintain.
I'm gonna buy mine with lotto money later this week. Or not.
Posted by: og at October 19, 2005 10:39 PMHey, bro - figure out a way to market your patented Earthquake Pills to the world at large, and you could have damn near anything you want.
I'd buy 'em.
Posted by: kelley at October 19, 2005 10:45 PMThought you had my tune-ups covered, Og. One of the reasons I let you hang around here.
Posted by: Velociman at October 19, 2005 11:09 PMWTF? Not a single Buick in the mix?
Posted by: Cythen at October 20, 2005 2:10 AMIf I were to try to do a similar list, it would include a Renault (I've written about that experience) and a Corvair that seemingly ran on motor oil. Oh, and a Fiat, a disaster about which I will write one of these days.
It's not a pretty picture.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at October 20, 2005 3:41 AMWTF,, not 1 CORVETTE!!!!!!!,,guess you haven't hit that age yet..
Posted by: james old guy at October 20, 2005 6:52 AMNot one Camaro either...ah, but it's not too late...
Posted by: Kelly at October 20, 2005 9:14 AMI gotcher back on the tuneups, but I don't pay for the parts. And the parts are $1000
Posted by: og at October 20, 2005 10:20 AMWhite Chevy Caprice? County auction, no doubt. I'm having trouble accepting that a man of your extraction actually admitted to owning a Chrysler LeBaron Convertible in a public forum.......
Posted by: bitterman at October 20, 2005 11:04 AMLotta iron, there. Broad spectrum, too: from Piece-o'-Shitmobile to Benz. Kinda makes the head spin and the knuckles drag.
Posted by: Elisson at October 20, 2005 12:57 PMThe LeBaron one of those borrowed cars. I was feeling very French at the time.
Posted by: Velociman at October 20, 2005 2:57 PMYou might have started a new meme... Tag someone to list the cars they've owned.
Posted by: Terry at October 20, 2005 6:35 PMI flipped a '63 Corvair, one night, in honor of Nader's late brother, and crawled out of the damn thing, after collecting all of the empty and full beers, and flung them as far off into the dark as I could, and then went up, with one I'd saved, and supped it at the edge of the highway, waiting for the gendarmarie.
That damned Corvair laid there, on it's back, like a wanton scarab beetle, its lights piercing the darkness, and its engine quietly ticking away. I'd bumped the turn signal on the way out, and one taillight signaled a turn to nowhere.
For over a half an hour.
Raised on Hollywood, as I was, I'd expected the damn thing to explode, sending a fiery pyre into the sky, but it just lay there...tick tick tick tick, purring away.
I finally crawled back in, turned it off, and recovered my keyring. Ended up walking home. Getting friends. More beer. Trucks...chains. Flipped that bitch over, started her up, and drove her home.
Fuck Ralph Nader, and his dead raghead, non-driving sonofabitch brother.
Posted by: Bane at October 21, 2005 12:21 AM