September 14, 2005
WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS
And, in my venal world, certainly not sweet little girls in miniskirts with umbrellas, either.
10:45: time for my shower, and one last jaundiced comment at some unsuspecting blogger's site on a post they really should have thought through before subjecting me to it, and Wham.
My dishwasher is running (late, yes, I know) and the sinks begin to fill up. Then the threading on the right sink collapses, and foul shit starts spewing all around the sink cabinets. The detritus of a good dishwasher full of greasy saucepans.
I had no idea the corner of the threading had stove in, and so was under the sink, trying to rescrew the PVC, getting drenched in this dreck.
Fucka me running. So I have a dryer that won't fit into its preordained location, and a mopped up mess, with no kitchen sink until I can procure same tomorrow (no doubt with some type of outrageously expensive faucet (Moen: German for Fuck You Amerikaner!).
Dunno. That may be Dutch. But I guarantee I'm paying for this date.
Just washed the pig lard offen me. I can still smell it though.
When it rains, little Morton's Salt Girl, it pours. I advise you not to go on any Dutch dates with me. I am temporarily irascible.
hey, you reap what you sow..perhaps that jaundiced comment biting you in the karmic colon? just a thought...looking out for you, bro..
Posted by: shoe at September 14, 2005 12:55 AMYou know this kind of karma comes in threes, right?
Posted by: Candy at September 14, 2005 1:04 AMGet to the good part...what happened next? heh
Posted by: Marcus at September 14, 2005 2:33 AMMoen: Norwegian for It's well made, and not too expensive, but it ain't gonna last forever.
I usedter work with old man Moen's nephew's. No they didn't inherit any of his money, just his work ethic.
Posted by: Gerry N. at September 14, 2005 6:39 AMThis is starting to get interesting...to put it mildly.
Posted by: sadie at September 14, 2005 7:00 AMWater Heater is next.
Posted by: james old guy at September 14, 2005 8:36 AMNope, washer is about to go teats up.
Posted by: rankin' rob at September 14, 2005 9:59 AMDude you were already greased up, you should have grabbed the nearest shower curtain and "wrastled" with the missus for a bit. Least that's what I do every time I find myself covered in pork fat.
Either that or you could have gone to the nearest mosque and started hugging folks; they'd have appreciated it, fo sho.
Wah! Just what kind of a shithole is this Velocihovel, anyway?
I jest, V-Man, I jest. Any of us Homeowners knows that there are Fifty Million Fucking Devices that can go tits-up at any given moment, causing Consternation, the Use of Foul Language, and Wallet-Holes.
But two in one week? That's Gawd dickin' with ya. Maybe all that shit you ripped off outta N'Awlins is creating some Gris-Gris Mauvais, cher. Bad Vodoun, that.
Posted by: Elisson at September 14, 2005 1:28 PMNope, third times the car. Sticking with the water theme, it'll be the radiator.
Posted by: Bane at September 14, 2005 1:52 PMAppliances communicate to each other; it's never just one that bites the big one. They're evil, and they laugh at us while we are sleeping.
I'd stock up on vaccuum cleaner belts if I were you.
Posted by: Trish at September 14, 2005 3:10 PMFuck you, Bane. Service Engine Light came on on the way home from Lowe's with new sink.
Posted by: Velociman at September 14, 2005 5:32 PMHey...I was gonna guess the car too! Well, at least you know you're done with that "threes" thing.
What else could possibly go wrong now??
You're safe!
(*famous last words!*)
Posted by: Dogsdontpurr at September 14, 2005 5:36 PMYou are snake bit, You need to go find you a black lady and fuck her good, that will change your luck, Cat
Posted by: Catfish at September 14, 2005 6:18 PMCat's right, but you have to fuck her up the butt from behind while a black midget urinates on the back of your head from a stepladder while singing 'Dixie' in a full baritone. The midget can be of either sex, but must urinate for the entire length of the song.
The good news is, they can sing as fast as they want.
The bad news is, they must eat a large helping of asparagus first, and have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry...it's the only way.
Posted by: Bane at September 14, 2005 6:39 PMYou assholes aren't any help.
Posted by: Velociman at September 14, 2005 8:46 PMOH Vman I'm so sorry, I just wanna give you a big ol hug!
Posted by: livey at September 14, 2005 9:02 PMGet Oliver Stone on the phone! It's a conspirishee!
Posted by: Margi at September 15, 2005 1:30 AMAh, quit whining, urine-head. Your nekkid beach frolicking prolly brought it on ya.
Now, sing wit me:
I wish ah wuz
in a crotch wit cotton
blood stains there
are not, forgotten
Lick away! Lick away!
Lick away, on my gland...
Sing that loudly, naked, from your rooftop, and the curse should be lifted.
Posted by: Bane at September 15, 2005 3:27 AM