September 10, 2005
DEWCLAWS
You know what those are, right? The vestigial claws on animals that serve no purpose other than to make you think your pet may be evolving opposable thumbs, and will take over the manse?
I wander. Anyway, few things really rub me the wrong way worse than a redneck pronunciation of dewclaw. Before he went to the Great Squirrel Chase in the Sky I used to have my doggie groomed, and the fellow who owned the grooming salon, while a very nice fellow, had an atrocious Southern accent.
Every time I would pick up the beast he would say "I trimmed his claws, too. Even those deeeee-youuuuu claaaaws. Man, that was like fingernails on a blackboard to me.
I almost drownded the damned dog just so I wouldn't have to hear that again.
So if you ever hang with me, and you just have to mention a dog or cat's vestigial digits, call them opposable claws, or something.
And, yes. In case you were wondering. I am insane.
No one is wondering.
Posted by: JoA at September 10, 2005 12:51 PMThat's right, I wasn't wondering either.
Posted by: BeeBee at September 10, 2005 1:56 PMOhmigod. I thought that was just me. Hearing a deep-souther say "dewclaws" is like hearing my crack- and water-head cousin Marty say "moon pie."
"Meeeewn Pah". EWWWW! Get it off me! Get it off me!
I also cringe when I hear that certain species of Yanqui say "warsh". Shudder.
Posted by: kelley at September 10, 2005 2:06 PMThat would be the Chicargo-variety Yanqui.
Posted by: Elisson at September 10, 2005 6:38 PMI'll tell you what, them damned "dog thumbs" or whatever... God give 'em to dogs so the could open flesh like we open cans. Man, if you ain't had a dog go "Duclur" on you, you're lucky. That shit hurts. I got one of each. One with, one without. I don't fight the one with anymore, unless I'm really medicated, the other one's a piece of cake.
But yeah, you're crazy. I saw a fella at the football game this mornin' that remined me of you. Hell, he had a set of bongo's and a kazoo, shorts, and flip flops and a hat. The only thing he was missin' was the pool. And the pool I think he missed was ghe gene pool when somebody hollered "Dive, Dive, Dive".
I'd have used the other word you wanted, but I couldn't spell it, so you get "dog thumbs" instead... use somethin' most people can spell man...
This ain't got to be harder then it already is. I ain't tryin' to please my wife here...
Nah you're too smart to be insane, at least that's what the shrinks keep telling me. And you are way smarter than me.
Posted by: livey at September 11, 2005 11:53 AMI makes em war socks on theys feets when ah letsem...
uh...nevah mand.
Posted by: Bane at September 11, 2005 8:10 PMWow. I always wondered what the hell Boomhauer was saying... Thanks Neck. ;)
Posted by: Key at September 11, 2005 9:44 PM