September 7, 2005
SCORE
Sorry, Intrepids. I've been out of pocket. I'm ashamed to say, with all the freebies available for grubby fingers, I caved, and dashed across the Panhandle to participate in the fun.
I'm not a complete reprobate, however. I'm not about taking from the poor for my own personal gain. I'm about sticking it to The Man! Dat right. To the Establishment.
And so I looted Ray Nagin's home, while he was blaming Theodore Roosevelt for fin de siecle levee failures. Hizzonah! Now my pilfered bitch.
Lookee here what I bagged:
Yo.
One Budweiser cooler, filled with ice, and bootleg insulin.
One feather mask, strangely pristine.
One crutch, sorely needed.
One syringe.
A handful of pills, mostly biphetamine and methaqualone.
Some Fredericks of Hollywood stockings, with the cooter part attached.
A Latrell Sprewell Headliner statuette.
One Playboy (Daryl Hannah, Nude!)
A handgun.
One bottle Grand Marnier (now empty).
One Diva Starz doll.
One M teen magazine (Jessica Simpson. Very hot).
Leather gloves, index fingers well-Vaselined.
A small bust that can only be a, what? Albino Michael Jordan?
I told you I fucking scored! Cop helped me load it up, too.
That crutch is a lifelong appendage to Hizzonah. Without it, he'll have to assume responsibility. Good job, Vman!
Glad you explained that one statuette thingy. Thought it was some kind of sick sex toy.
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at September 7, 2005 9:47 PMStatuette? Would that be the dildo with the nose?
Posted by: Key at September 7, 2005 9:47 PM(A simultaneous thought. See, not just me...!)
Posted by: Key at September 7, 2005 9:48 PMLooks like you're already packing for Helen...
Posted by: Elisson at September 7, 2005 10:01 PMEpic! Velociman becomes a prop-comic!
Long live Veloci-Top!
Posted by: David K. at September 7, 2005 10:17 PMI'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it was a dildo!
Posted by: livey at September 7, 2005 10:42 PMAre you people insects? Can you not see in three dimensions? Must I transplant compound eyes upon you?
Posted by: Velociman at September 7, 2005 11:12 PMMy only curiosity surrounds the following query: Rohrer or Lemmon?
Posted by: LauraN at September 8, 2005 9:38 AMThats sad. You're a sick bastard. Rot in Hell loser.
Posted by: Manny at September 8, 2005 12:22 PMThat's a dildo alright, a clown dildo...the ultimate evil.
Posted by: Bane at September 8, 2005 2:09 PMWhat is that thing, a Smith and Wesson J-frame?
Posted by: Sigivald at September 8, 2005 3:24 PMLOL! I thought it was a dildo too....
Posted by: Blondage at September 8, 2005 3:29 PMYou are one sick dude.
Posted by: Denny at September 8, 2005 8:32 PMHey man, that cooler's mine man! Give it back!