August 19, 2005
I VOTE NO DRIVE
A weird thing about Florida. On some beaches, such as Daytona, and Vilano, and parts of St. Augustine, you can drive your vehicle on the beach. And I guess so. Until the Superspeedway was built in Daytona in 1959 all the racing was done on that hard packed sand.
Driving on the beach is great if you don't want to schlep your shit a mile, but I have to say, it turns me off bad. As in Big Audio Dynamite bad.
I don't know where the Beautiful People hang out, but they obviously know where I do, because they stay away in droves.
Side issue. So anyway, wherever they let fools in jacked up mudboggers who spent $5,000 accessorizing and forgot the fucking muffler drive, they also allow horses, and dogs. Fuck that. I am barefooted. I don't want to be on a beach with dogshit, and horseshit.
So I generally go to Mickler's Crossing, or Guana River State Park. At Guana I may not see a soul for a mile. Perfect. Because I don't like people, as a rule.
I want to pretend I'm in the tropics, dammit. Some lickspittle with a painfully pathetic 4-Runner jacked up to Tower of Babel height grims me out. Fuck him.
Plus, women don't go topless on drive-on beaches. This is a secret I am sharing, but a rather obvious one. Come to Guana. We all naked! Well, I am!
Driving on the beach. That is fucking retarded. Even those Special Olympics kids hang their heads in shame, I am told. Don't know for sure. Even they shy away from me.
Odd...I've been to Guana dozens of times, but I've never seen a naked Velociman running around.
Posted by: David K. at August 19, 2005 9:47 PMUsed to have people driving on the beach in Galveston, too. No better way to turn a beach into a Sand-Clogged Shithouse than to let people drive cars on it.
And for extra fun, some drunken fuck would always manage to get squished by some other drunken fuck. Boo Yah.
Posted by: Elisson at August 19, 2005 10:35 PMSorry Dave. I'm the skinny guy with the huge cock. Narrow it down?
Posted by: Velociman at August 19, 2005 11:06 PMThey must have multitudes of spare time to fix all the crap on their vehicles that gets all the sand in it..sand sticks to oil...ugh.
I miss the beach....sigh.
Posted by: Kelly at August 20, 2005 8:35 AMIt's been so long since I've seen a beach, I think I'd want to kill someone if I saw them driving on one. Just because they would be intruding on my peace and quite time and spewing exhaust to ruin my good time.
Posted by: Tuck at August 20, 2005 9:17 AMI am inspired by your beach post. I shall drive to Jax, get a room at the seahorse, and drink at Pete's. Perhaps if they put me on the second floor I will see the ocean.
Rick
Posted by: rick at August 20, 2005 11:33 AMI have to agree, Velociman. While I understand the whole Daytona/racing thing, and respect it historically, I wish Daytona was the only municipality in FL which allowed driving on the strand.
You know me; I am no tree-hugging, hairly-legged granola muncher, but I am sqarely agin power vehicles on the beach, any beach, every beach. While dune ecology can go fuck itself, I am personally inconvenienced by beach-driving, and it intereferes with my enjoyment of "Nature" (while I'm under my umbrella and on my chair and covered with sun-oil and snapping my fingers for the cabana boy to bring me another libation). I like my encounters with Mother Ocean "pure".
Posted by: kelley at August 20, 2005 12:46 PMMe and the old lady go to Haulover nude beach in Miami for a good laugh once and while. All ya ever see are shrivelled up senile citizens or third world fags. And yes, people get squished. A beach police patrol jeep ran over two european chicks on vacation not long ago while chasing some bad guys killing one of girls and screwing the other one up pretty bad.
Posted by: Bullseye at August 21, 2005 5:00 PMReminds me of Germany. I was bike riding with some co-workers near a river. They were shocked that an American didn't react to the topless and nude sunbathers. Sad to say, I had not even noticed. Busy enjoying the trees, mountains, rocks and other items. Still didn't bother me.
Though, in Key West, an old man in a itsy bitsy speedo freaked me out. ;-)
Posted by: vw bug at August 22, 2005 8:32 AMBecause I don't like people, as a rule.
"I don't hate people. I just seem to feel better when they're not around." - Mickey Rourke, "Barfly."
clothes chasing cars
Posted by: cars chasing and at March 23, 2007 3:51 PM