August 2, 2005
I COULDN'T RESIST
Boudicca started this thing, as far as I can tell, and while most Intrepids know I don't partake of the meme Kool-Ade, I myself was curious, as I'm not sure I've opened my bedside table drawers in three years. Kind of strange. What I found:
The Bourne Supremacy (unread)
Split Second by Baldacci (unread; air travel shit)
A Joseph Conrad compendium, dog-eared on page 121 of Lord Jim
A floppy disk external peripheral
A laptop charger
My Popeye handpuppet, soiled
A .38 caliber revolver
A box of .38 target ammo (yes, both unsecured from prying little hands)
Pics of the kids, many 10 years old
All-purpose lotion (only used for one purpose)
A bootleg Elmore James CD (THERE's that fucker!)
8 old National Enquirers, folded back on Pamela Anderson articles
A Masterlock that was supposed to secure that pistol
A girl's hairbrush
An It's A Girl! button (doesn't appear to be for one of MY girls)
A Nicotrol pamphlet
A scrapbook: A Tale of Baby's Days (couldn't look)
A Living Bible (?)
Two Holy Bibles (St. James Infirmiary Version) (?)
Eyereier's Bible Story Book (?)
The Beginner's Bible (?)
Tribulation Force: The Continuing Drama of Those Left Behind(?)
Fitzgerald's The Last Tycoon
A Doonesbury Zonker ceramic coaster
Flyers from the 12/17/96 show Little Bells of XMas, performed at the Singleton Community Center, Bartlett, TN
Four ultrasound pics of Skeeter
Three pictures of me holding a newborn Skeeter
More kid pics
Delta Wedding, by Eudora Welty
Some muscle relaxers (Yes!)
Volume One of The Life of Samuel Johnson, by Boswell
A Babysitters' Club volume (whack material?)
The Confessions of Nat Turner by Styron
A 1940's 8mm movie camera
Good God. If it weren't for the pics of my kids, and that Elmore James CD and revolver, I'd swear I'm not even in my own house. Those Bibles must be for sleeping aid, or blog material. All I can figure. I must confess to never having read the Good Book. Except for the Sodom and Gomorrah parts, but I think the Babysitters Club book was better from a prurience angle.
That's what's in those drawers, along with various Easter bunny cards, keys to nowhere, and what appear to be ancient boogers. If you find out who's been chilling in the Velocicrib, let me know. He owes me some frigging rent. This shit CAN'T belong to me.
Don't make me do it.
Don't make me start emptying my nightstand.
The world does not need to know about the old Penthouse and Hustler mags, the old Spider-Man comics, the crusty socks. No, no.
Posted by: Elisson at August 2, 2005 10:56 PMFortunately the porn is in the cedar chest (I have olfactory issues with my porn, best left undiscussed) so I didn't have to cop to it. I know exactly what is in the cedar chest.
Posted by: Velociman at August 2, 2005 10:59 PMIsn't this the sort of thing that usually gets blamed on The Mutant? Where is that freak anyway?
Posted by: sadie at August 3, 2005 5:11 AMthe 8mm movie camera gets me. I love old cameras, and they's cheap to collect now.
Any , erm, movies you've taken with those?
Posted by: og at August 3, 2005 11:19 AM"My Popeye handpuppet, soiled"
What exactly have you been doing with Popeye????
Wait, never mind. Don't answer that.
;)
Posted by: Blondage at August 3, 2005 2:02 PMWow. I think if one was supposed to determine what a person was like by what is contained inside their bed side table... I'm not sure what they'd think! Then again, who am I to talk? I have a miniature stuffed moose head on mine... and no clue how it got there.
Posted by: Boudicca at August 3, 2005 2:19 PMAt least we have the .38 in common.
Posted by: Yabu at August 3, 2005 2:58 PMPamela Anderson has been around for 8 years?
Boy...
I'm not paying close enough attention...
Posted by: Jack at August 3, 2005 5:06 PMhmmm. Interesting.
Posted by: Kelly at August 3, 2005 5:29 PMOOH, Damn,the leper from Papillion- where the hell did you find THAT picture?
Posted by: og at August 3, 2005 7:12 PMThe coaster in My image? Nice touch. Adds a bit of class to the collection, I think.
Posted by: zonker at August 3, 2005 8:18 PMSo how did the surgery go?
Posted by: dbltap at August 3, 2005 10:35 PM