Velociworld

Heh -- we got trained to use those at work -- they really ARE idiot proof -- talk the user through the whole thing in words of less than one syllable -- no paddles, just 2 EKG electrode type of sticker thingies. But buy one for home use? Prob'ly a waste of money. A cardiac educator nurse told me once that making oneself cough will act like personal CPR and keep you going til aforementioned professionals arrive ... I don't think my cat could handle CPR, so the above is my plan.

Oh, but think of all the opportunity for self gratification. Positively abounds, it does.

Would one keep away the Jehova witness jerks from the door. Hook it up with a scanner and if anyone with literatue in their hand rings the doorbell ZAP ZAP and they get a message from the LORD of the manor.

Shoulda brought a set to NOLA. I probably would have hit Bourbon Street with you guys. Would have made for some great pictures, too.

Oh yeah, I would be abusing that fucker most heinously. "Here, kids, want a donut?" ZAP! "Clear!"

Feel a mite peckish in the mornin? ZAP!

I'd buy me a metal front door, and have yellow hands painted at the same place on both sides, with instructions on the outside to 'place hands here'. Then I'd order pizza...

Would be a hell of a start to the day to wake up from a Gray Goose inspired nap on the couch with the Velocibride shooting a few thousand volts into the ole nipple zone.

As someone who recently (January 15) had paddles used on a stopped ticker by professionals (thrice in the house, once at St. Vincent's), I can tell you that if you're ever in the medical condition to actually need it, you won't know it, and you won't feel it. At least not until after you wake up.

The only evidence I had that I was jolted by those things was the scar just below my left breast and the annoying pain in my side for the first week of my recovery.

By the way, I tried that coughing thing Marianne mentioned. Didn't work for me. In fact, I tried vomiting. No joy. When your main lower artery is totally blocked with a clot, I don't think you're going to be able to cough at all, let alone jar that bastard free.

I still owe those EMTs a case of beer.

Did CPR for nearly 15 mins a on my wife few years ago. Don't wanna do that again. (EMTs? Couldn't get her started w/the defib. Hadda pump her alla way to the ER where she was well and truly jumpstarted. Fine now.)

But I am interested in the defib unit Marianne has at work, ya know, the one that talks ya through it in "words of less than one syllable." WOW! "less than one syllable"—this is something I'd like to see...