July 26, 2005
VOODOO CHILE
The lovely Key bought me a voodoo doll in New Orleans. I'm not sure why, but I think she sensed a disturbance in The Force, and figgered a preoccupied Velociman was a tame, autistic Velociman, who would leave everyone else alone.
She was right, of course. I have plumbed the depths with this no-go mojo toy. Whisk broomed my supervisor's desk for dandrum, hoovered the terlit for his pubes. Something personal must be stapled, or glued, onto this voodoo chile.
I hate this fucker with a passion, and would find great solace were I to destroy him (as background). I just need some kinghell needles.
I am a simple man, not given to superstition, or hoo-doo, but I swear I feel I can make him feel the fucking burn with this doll.
Perhaps I am naive, but lookit: I'm having a great time, no harm, no foul. And maybe a venal bout of kidney stones will occur, and I can rest on my laurels.
I haven't had a homer in a while. It is very important I rest on my laurels. At least for a bloody ureter moment. I keep lonely counsel on the laurels.
I tried my hand at voodoo once. My dad has a belt with "Pagan" stenciled in just for this reason.
Good luck with that!
Posted by: DaveJ at July 26, 2005 12:58 AMThe only thing, man, when I looked at it, I thought the tag read: "Voodoo Love Doll."
As my buddy "Neck" would say: "Just sayin'".
; )
Posted by: Christina at July 26, 2005 8:34 AMActually, Christina, the tag says "This Doll is for ATRACT LOVE". I picked it out because it was the only one without huge tits. These things are malleable by nature, I think. I'll make it work.
Posted by: Velociman at July 26, 2005 9:44 AMStop. Quit. Ouch. Every F'ing time you poke, prod, burn, twist, and smack that doll it happens to me. I am bruised, blistered and burnt. i am missing a patch of hair. I have no way to explain my condition to my boss or spouse. There is some bad juju going on here.
Please, for the love of Jebus, stop...
Posted by: hoosierboy at July 26, 2005 9:45 AMPerhaps if you schmear the Vodoun Icon with molten Ex-Lax, you can create, in Mr. Supah-Visah, a repetition of the Extreme Stall-Bellowing episode you have reported on previously in these fine pages.
Just be sure to time your own visit to the "Kamar Kecil" so that you are exiting as the show begins. It is not good to be too near the site of the action, so to speak...but you do want to verify that the action, indeed, is taking place.
Posted by: Elisson at July 26, 2005 11:20 AMWhere's the pic? I can't believe you didn't want to share the visage of that handsome devil with the Don King hair!
Posted by: Key at July 26, 2005 1:33 PMI was gonna ask if you were sticking it in the legs because of Amans leg problem, until you said huge tits.
Posted by: livey at July 26, 2005 4:49 PMI don't know what's wrong with me - I keep reading the phrase as "Voodoo Chíle".
That would have to be one damn hot chíle.
Posted by: kelley at July 26, 2005 8:53 PMKelley: Jimi Hendrix. "Voodoo Chile".
Posted by: Velociman at July 26, 2005 9:18 PMOh, I know, I know. I've sung that tune myself, in a hoarse screech to make the angels fall. But for some reason, when I saw the title, I thought you might have been referring to something in your "jambalaya evacuation". You know, a Ring of Fire thing.
Oh, yeah.
Posted by: kelley at July 26, 2005 9:49 PMDave, there is a HUGE difference between Voodoo/Hoodoo and Paganism.
Posted by: Maeve at July 27, 2005 12:57 AM