July 4, 2005
PIG
My daughter works in a drugstore. A man came in today wearing some type of skintight transparent shorts, with no underwear. His whole fucking package was staring at her. She was so stunned, so flummoxed, she let him walk out without even paying for his purchase.
That motherfucker. Guys like that know exactly what they are doing, and I'll warrant that wanker has several unreported molestations to his credit.
Try consentual adult sex, you scumbag. It's very healthy.
I wish I'd been in the store at the time. I would have fetched my tire iron from the truck, and beaten that motherfucker senseless in the parking lot. I would have broken every bone in his body.
I instructed my daughter to get his license plate number when he returns (and he WILL return. They always return). Then I'm going to beat that cocksucker so savagely in his driveway that Rottweilers would look away in shame. I'm going to beat him like a fucking rented mule with a death wish.
Then I'm going to return the next day and burn his fucking house down.
He'll be lucky to swallow pabulum once a day when I'm finished. That fucker is on my Shit List. And you don't want to be on my Shit List.
Save some for me, he will have wished he was never born, Cat
Posted by: Catfish at July 4, 2005 5:48 PMSlide some radiator hose around the tire iron first. The 5/8" ID stuff seems to work best. Bare iron finishes the job too quickly, no satisfaction in that.
A cannister of spray adhesive will fix up those shorts, too. Covers up the offending material. Permanently adheres the offending material to the, er, material. 3M Super 77 has the added benefit of stinging.
Posted by: og at July 4, 2005 5:52 PMThe sick fucker gets off on the discomfort of people, such as your daughter, who are too polite (or too stunned) to say or do anything about it.
Did no one else in the store see this?
Don't they have a security camera?
If he walked out without paying, they can haul his ass in for shoplifting, and then his identity will be known by all.
Posted by: jmflynny at July 4, 2005 6:58 PMI woulda said "Hey Mr Dickless Wonder get your fat ass over here and pay for that shit." People like that do indeed get off on shocking others. Unfortunately we have to learn to respond in a manner that will shock them.
Posted by: livey at July 4, 2005 7:38 PMI would be surprised if a pharmacy did not have video cameras, what with all the Sudafed in the store.
Posted by: Jack Straw at July 4, 2005 7:47 PMKneecap him with a couple of .38s. THEN beat the shit out of him.
Posted by: Acidman at July 4, 2005 11:36 PMAlso, forget the tire-iron. Try an aluminium baseball bat. Makes a nicer "crunch" when it hits bone.
Posted by: Acidman at July 4, 2005 11:39 PMBone? I'm not a nice enough guy about crap like that, to be aiming for bones.
Posted by: McGehee at July 5, 2005 12:04 AMJust let me know where he lives. No cop would believe that someone was beaten to within an inch of his life by a six one redneck in a kilt and steel toe Bates.
You Do Not F@#$ with youngin’s in my world. Growing up is hard enough on its own. I am still trying to.
Posted by: Ironnerd at July 5, 2005 12:16 AMActually, V-Man, you should get her a family sized can of Mace. Not that pepper spray bullshit, which is fine for seasoning a burrito, but real CS gas. Have her hold a box of some sort in front of the can to hide it as she walks towards him, smiling vacantly...then she lifts the box up and his eyes will follow it, and she blasts him in the crotch with the CS. As he falls, clutching his balls, have her shoot a goodly dose into his ass-crack.
Then, dial 911, no harm, no foul, and nobody goes to jail.
Find him later, empty a can of ether over his head, and light him with a barbecue lighter.
Hang on to the can of ether, unless you've worn gloves from the time you acquired it. Burn the can in a burn barrel until it disentegrates.
Dose the fucker from upwind, because the smoke will contain DNA.
Regardless, burn your clothes, and wash yourself like a 4H show heifer.
Have fun!
Oh, and why 'family size'? More aerosol propellant, better range and penetration. Those little keychain cans are worthless.
An eight ounce (or better) can of real Mace will penetrate through new Levi's and boxer shorts and take a man down as if a hog was chewing his balls off.
Trust me.
Posted by: Bane at July 5, 2005 3:56 AMV-man,
This is the time for that bull whip. Rip the hide off his back and nether regions then feed him to the gators. Oh, and cut off his ears and wear them around your neck as a warning to others. Save the tire iron for when the hormone crazed boys come sniffing around. Nothing keeps a boy in line around your daughters like a good beat down. Trust me on this, I have an 18 year old daughter.
Posted by: hoosierboy at July 5, 2005 10:00 AM"crimes" of this nature only escalate until someone is hurt.....shoot em, and get them off the planet.
Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at July 5, 2005 11:31 AMStart with the kneecaps first.
Posted by: Cythen at July 5, 2005 12:50 PMI'm sad to say that I live in South Florida where nobody would even give that pervert piece of shit a second glance.
Posted by: BULLSEYE at July 5, 2005 8:33 PMI was gonna make a timely comment on the ratfuck, however I just pissed myself laffin over your fine readers comments, and now I fergetted whut I was gonna say, but I bet it was sumpin along the line of others.
Posted by: johndeerebilly at July 5, 2005 9:25 PMSome dickless wonder flashed the Mistress on one of her Atlanta-to-Savannah runs last year.
I wish to hell I had been in that car. It would have been amusing to see whether Mr. Bumblefuck could've managed to continue jacking himself off with a tire iron inserted up his ass - sideways. Not to mention the burning tire necklace.
Posted by: Elisson at July 5, 2005 11:00 PMAre you sure they weren't biking shorts? My husband cycles a lot and he wears (as do all other cyclers) skin tight biking shorts commando style.
I never really looked to see if they are see thru in the light, but it is definitly possible. That wouldn't explain why the guy in the drugstore didn't pay, but it might explain his outfit.
I'd point and laugh at him. Everyone else coverd the bases on what to do to him.
Posted by: Maeve at July 6, 2005 1:36 AMWell, we haven't covered all the bases yet.
I think you should swamp his boat.
Okay, now we have.
Posted by: spongeworthy at July 6, 2005 2:25 PMI'm sorry, I didn't realize they were see thru.
Posted by: Homo Joe at July 6, 2005 7:30 PMI wear bike shorts when riding, and I confess to being rather proud of the packie. But I don't wear them in stores. And this was SEE THROUGH.
Posted by: Velociman at July 6, 2005 9:11 PMBurn some poison ivy upwind from him.
Posted by: triticale at July 6, 2005 9:39 PMPerhaps if the light hits those shorts in a certain way, there might be an illusion of transparency. Just as in your mind, there might be an illusion of a large package.......
You could always sick Dax on him. I heard he is an old pro with a cigarette and ballsack. ;)
Posted by: Dana at July 7, 2005 1:26 AMI agree with Dana...get Dax to light his nuts up.
Posted by: Yabu at July 7, 2005 3:55 PMThe Law is out of it at this point. It is personal.
Posted by: Velociman at July 7, 2005 9:52 PMI dunno. I've seen some guys dressed like that, in Atlanta. They didn't seem to be interested in girls, at all. Certainly rude to dress that way in public. Hell, I don't like it when some lowlife Yankee walks into a restaurant wearing tank top and baseball cap. Gentlemen wear sleeves, and if older than 50, never wear Spandex.
Posted by: Justthisguy at July 9, 2005 5:01 AMI read this the other day and thought surely they werent "that" see thru. Then yesterday driving I see a woman riding her bike ahead of me. She had on silver colored bike shorts and as I got closer I busted out laughing and thought of this blog. I not only could see her ass crack but every single mole on her butt cheeks.
Posted by: chickarooni at July 9, 2005 4:55 PMYou're ALL only pissed off that you missed it!!!
Anyway here are a few points to think about:
1/ If you've got it flaunt it.
2/ Perhaps this Guy was proud of his package.
3/ Virtually see through onion skins are on eBay.
4/ I wish I'd been there to see it.
5/ It all sounds very horny to me.
6/ I love shorts and Guys who wear them.
7/ This Guy had the guts to do it - YOU don't!
8/ Violence solves nothing.
9/ He's most likely hot and horny not a perv.
Just a passing difference of opinion just in case any of you are interested ;-)
THINK ABOUT IT!!
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