June 30, 2005
THE BITE
I receive four or five solicitations a month for insultingly cheap getaways at time shares and resorts. I toss the shit, because I've been there, punched the clerk.
I put the bite on my customers for business for a living. If I want to get away for a long weekend, why should I submit myself to that which I flee, and be on the receiving end, to boot? I want to escape that environment, not lower myself down the foodchain and wallow in it. Because that 60 minute tour is invariably followed by a two hour hard core sales pitch and harangue. Screw you, Mac. I can afford to stay wherever I want, and not have to put up with such horseshit.
I bring this up because I was in Charleston for the Foreign Trade Conference last month. I usually stay at the Lodge Alley Inn. Have for 15 years. It is a well-kept historic site, convenient to my favorite restaurants and bars, has great service, and boasts a wonderful courtyard, resplendent with palmettos and a fountain. A great place to pass a dusk with cigar and wine.
The Lodge Alley went timeshare a couple of years ago, however. It is now owned by Bluegreen, an upscale raper of old growth and greenfield. The service is still great, and I can stay there with a two night minimum just like before, but there are drawbacks.
These idiots have made the decision to put the bite on their prospectives in the fucking courtyard! I realize they do it because it is the most saleable feature of the place, but don't they realize that by having three to six sales whores (yes, men are sales whores, too, perhaps the worst) hitting on prospectives at cafe tables throughout the courtyard they are destroying precisely what they are hawking????
You can't enjoy the courtyard for the incessant sales pitches, grifting, and mawkish pleadings. Fuck, you assholes. Set aside a conference room, break it out into closing-compatible cubicles, and do your bidness there, you damned retards. Stay out of the courtyard. You are pissing on the orchids, so to speak.
A fine establishment, I will not return. The Ansonborough doesn't have a courtyard, but I can go on the roof and swill alcohol, with a nice view of South of Broad. Plus, there is a handsome Harris Teeter's next door, open 24/7, iffen I feel the need to hoist a couple of whipped cream canisters, and huff some nitrous oxide. Location, location, location.
Putting the bite on the rubes in the courtyard. These assholes should be ashamed of themselves. Then shot.
Stay at that place right over the bridge on right and has a nice biker bar next to it. Every time I go there, I have fun and also see some great big tits.
Posted by: Catfish at June 30, 2005 8:08 PMWho needs palmetto and a fountain when big tits are available?
Posted by: Jim - PRS at June 30, 2005 9:25 PMI took my bride, about 20 years ago to Hilton Head for one of those. I warned her about that shit. She said, they want US to spend the night, wine and dine US and they will also give US a bunch of nice stuff. I told the bride, you will be sorry, I know all about that shit, my brother, Arte and I went on one of those three day trips. Well we went, toured the frounds and then we ate a small meal, very small, and then these high pressure cocksuckers started in on me. I jumped up and told them to take that timeshare and stick it up there ass. I was bigger than all of those queers, my bride had to quiet me down. I looked at her and said, you see what you got US into. Later that night, she wanted to see if WE won any prizes, yes, if we went to another sales pitch, WE would get a set of cheap luggage. After the pitch each queer got a couple in a separate room and started that high sales talk and more of the same shit I heard years ago. I jumped up again and told them where to stick the luggage and then I took the bride and threw her into the car and drove home that same night. I would never let her live that shit down. So when we get thjat free vacation, I give it to her and say, you go and enjoy, I will stay here and drink and sleep. She has never gone again. Remember people, there is nothing free in this world, and if it sounds too good to be true, it's usually not, Cat
Posted by: Catfish at June 30, 2005 10:18 PMTry the Vendue Inn. They have a rooftop bar near Waterfront Park. If nothing else they are within staggering distance of two establisnments that sell steak tartare. Snob and Meritage.
Posted by: Ironnerd at July 1, 2005 12:06 AMAye. Vendue wanted $325, because Spoleto started in 2 days. Fuck 'em.
Posted by: Velociman at July 1, 2005 12:20 AMWhy go rent a room when you have an entire house of your own? Drive drunk, fly drunk, that's my motto. I'll not sleep on someone elses cum-stained mattress if I can avoid it.
Take a UV light into your next hotel room. Turn out the lights, and turn it on. You'll run out screaming.
Posted by: Bane at July 1, 2005 4:21 PMPeckerwoods. Way to fuck up something nice.
Posted by: og at July 1, 2005 5:25 PMThe true proof is how long it takes the new cocksuckers to realize they're screwing a dead dog with the couhtyahd press.
Posted by: Scott Chaffin at July 2, 2005 6:43 PMThanks Bane.. I'm going to start traveling with a couple sheets for the bed, regardless of the hotelier or room price. It's just too gross to think about.
Those high-priced sales guys are a pain. What a way to ruin a nice courtyard.
Posted by: Vermont Neighbor at July 3, 2005 12:36 AMSheets, hell, a backpack sprayer full of bleach...and a spare phone to replace the spooge-stained mouthpiece that the lonely sales-pervs have been using to keep the 1-900 ayholes in business.
Posted by: Bane at July 3, 2005 3:35 AM...we lay out a fully unzipped sleeping bag on the bed, and our own sheet, and launder both, often.
And we won't discuss the TB infested aborigines that leave their spoor around as they 'clean' the room.
May as well lick a bus station toilet seat...
Posted by: Bane at July 3, 2005 3:42 AM