Velociworld

HAINTS

I am a skeptic, a disbeliever, a Doubting Thomas when it comes to ghosts, hoots, haints, and the rest of the panoply of otherworldly ephemeral beings. It's like Bigfoot. Show me a picture. Otherwise you are blowing smoke up my skirt. Feels good, of course, but let us save it for the marshmallow roast over the bonfire; these tales are to frighten the chirren.

And yet weird shit does happen. Checkit: Two months before my mother died The Bride lost her favorite uncle in a hellish traffic accident. He was a city electrician, was up in a cherrypicker fixing a traffic light, and a tractor trailer clipped his head. It was a melon explosion, if I may be so indelicate.

Her uncle was very close to his sister, my mother-in-law, and doted on The Bride. And I kept hearing tales of phantom electrical aberrances afterwards, flickering lights, and such.

Pshaw, says I. Horseshit. And yet when The Bride visits strange things occur at that house. I have witnessed them. Lights turning on by themselves. Fans turn themselves on, and rotate backwards. A lamp next to The Bride will flicker furiously, then, when she walks into the next room, that lamp will do the same thing. Freaky fucking deaky.

I've chalked this up to the implants the CIA put in The Bride when she was 12, sensing future mischief. Still unnerving shit.

Upside? My in-laws' place is what real estate people call stigmatized property. Which means I have a legitimate reason not to visit. This is an angle I am enamored of, and will work like a fiend for a while.

Jealous, aren't you?