June 12, 2005
UNFORTUNATE SON
I worked like a sharecropper today. And I would say I was merely embodying the genes that I inherited from my sharecropper forebears, but that would imply that I come from a line of stock that worked like bulls in the blistering sun in misguided expectation of some manner of remuneration at the end of the month.
Perish the thought. I wish. I believe I come, rather, from a long line of craven bullshit artists, grifters, and hucksters. An honest day's work being the clean lift of a valuable. Not sure. Just a hunch.
And yet I was packmule, ox, sharecroppa today. See, I gifted my chirren with their very own flower beds some three years ago. They were excited, for an hour or so. And so these beds have lain not only unattended, but fecund and overgrown, for some time.
Today I took them back. By hoe, machete, potato rake. Cleansed those fucking beds of all their overgrown, strangled, rainforested shit. Ripped lantana up by three foot root, pruned Palms Gone Wild! Pulled errant St. Augustine grass by the ten weight. Jumped juniper, short-changed strawberry. What little stragglers were left, the cowering weeds, got assassinated by RoundUp. Cleaned house.
Now, what to do? I figure either concrete, or asphalt. The point being, a flower bed should be like the child that tends it. Low maintenance.
Well...about the stock thing, and the craven bullshit artists thing...you are a Senator's son. CCR has a thing or two to tell you, Velocimaitre...but I feel certain that you acquitted yourself like some of my dirt-farmer-mill-worker forebears today, dear...
Ooh, look, I'm doing Eric. All the ellipses. Joy!
Posted by: kelley at June 13, 2005 12:22 AMOh. And, chipped shale, and a statuette. Low-maintenance.
Posted by: kelley at June 13, 2005 12:23 AM... I feel you pain, man.. I worked like an army mule yesterday.. toting flagstones, I did.. all.day.long...
Posted by: Eric at June 13, 2005 8:01 AMAsphalt needs to be sealed every few years, so the concrete wins the Low Maintenance Contest.
Paint the sumbitch green. That will remind you of What Could Have Been, while adding a poignant undertone of Cheesy Attractiveness to the proceedings.
Add one half-melted Pink Flamingo for a surreal touch. Stir with the rake.
Now: time for a well-earned drink.
Posted by: Elisson at June 13, 2005 11:14 AMAs luck would have it I already have a half-melted pink flamingo out there. This IS Florida, after all. Maybe I should paint the house turquoise, or seafoam green... put some plaster seahorses on the front...
Posted by: Velociman at June 13, 2005 11:24 AMReplace those beds and that lawn with those white rocks you see in everybody's front yard down there in Florida. Stick a couple palms here and there. Never mow again.
I'm just sayin'.
I just covered 8 inches deep of white rock with mulch. That shit works good for a year, then you have to dig a ton and a half up, bleach it, and relay it. No way.
Posted by: Velociman at June 13, 2005 10:24 PMPlant some good weed. No one will notice.
Posted by: assrot at June 14, 2005 8:20 AM