Velociworld: NEANDERFART

May 31, 2005

NEANDERFART

This is another classic in the artform. And it reminded me: have you ever entered an elevator, and your subconscious said you were all alone, and so you vented, and immediately realized No no no! Not alone! Tora! Tora! Tora!

And it stops on 25. Then it stops on 23. On and on, all the way down, ad nauseum. Literally. At least after the first stop you can catch the eye of any newcomers, and nod at the first person to get on after you, as if to say Fetid monkey. Can you believe a woman could smell like that?

Posted by Velociman at May 31, 2005 9:54 PM

Comments

fetid monkey.

That was by Faberge', right?

Posted by: og at May 31, 2005 11:09 PM

That's why it's wise to always carry a small sack of dog shit with you. If you happen to ease out a small non-squeaker, you can discretely leave the dog shit in the elevator and totally displace any blame from yourself.

Posted by: Dave S. at June 1, 2005 4:09 PM

I...... I canot imagine the mind that would conceive of carrying dog shit with them

Posted by: og at June 1, 2005 4:23 PM

Doesn't everyone?

Posted by: Jay G at June 1, 2005 4:58 PM

Being lactose intolerant and generally intolerant, I have been in many similar situations.

I just say, "Sorry. It was the Mexican I had for lunch. Maybe I should have chopped him up into smaller, bite sized pieces."

Posted by: rightisright at June 1, 2005 9:33 PM

I can't believe you stayed on the elevator unless the VelociRoma was irresitable and you couldn't get the hell outta there.

I think I'd have got off at 23 and paused to stink up the hallway there, before resumin' the trip to the lower level...

But then again... there's only 1 VolciStink...

Posted by: RedNeck at June 1, 2005 10:34 PM

Velociflatus!

Posted by: Dash at June 1, 2005 11:12 PM

Being a Master of both timing and sphincter, I have perfected the art of flapping one out as I step out of the elevator. I love hearing their happy cries of joy as the elevator descends, and they enjoy this little insight into my inner man.

Posted by: Bane at June 3, 2005 12:16 PM