Velociworld

I FEEL PRETTY

I shaved today, simply because I had not shaved since Wednesday, and I was feeling like a gruff old boar hog. I even went into work Friday with a two-day stubble, which I have never done in my life, me a well-scraped, Ward Cleavered man. Slathered in Dolce & Gabbana, even my ears scrubbed with witch hazel. All I needed was a tin cup, a soup line hand pass, a Depression-era gimme, pissed in the britches hopelessness. Well, that's what a two-day stubble feels like to me.

And the girls were eyeballing me today, as if to say Look at Dad. He's positively rolling in it.

And so I cleaned up, eye-dropped the orbs, Seabreezed the complexion. I feel special now. The Bride, of course, has smoked me out as a pretender to Cleanliness is Next to Godliness, but we have had the conversations before.

Long story short, I shaved today.