May 26, 2005
THE DEVIL'S ELEMENT
Sulphur is a maligned thing, I posit. Connotations of evil there. Fire, brimstone. Great mouldering pits of the stuff in Hell, eh, reprobates? We don't want to end up inhaling those acrid fumes, do we? Of all of the elements in the periodic table, is none so vilified as sulphur?
A base element. Atomic number 16, should ye be keeping score. No one professes to like it, and yet it probably carries more gravitas in the pantheon of naturally-occurring elements than any other. Satan smokes sulphur, or at least wafts it to his nostrils for a head rush. Matchsticks and gunpowder contain the thing, it is the bastard element of all elements. Egg farts and Florida water reek of sulphur. See?
In some twisted sense of supposed decency the American scientists now refer to it as sulfer. Okay, boys. Million dollar grant justified.
As to my personal involvement with the stuff, my mother had what was then known as a home made remedy, now considered I suppose homeopathic, that included a heavy dose of yellow sulphur pills at the onset of summer. The idea was the sulphur would force the vile acne humours out of one's pores, and one would have a zit-free adolescence.
That was a shit of a theory. Our faces would blister up like the Red Death all summer, constant eruptions, pores inflamed, grim treacle leaking from said pores like pox victims. And my mother would nod approvingly, and announce us cured of future acne outbreaks.
Which was I suppose technically correct, because when one's face has been horribly disfigured by sulphur contamination a mere zit would be a non-event, right?
And yet I ended up a beautiful specimen of a human, even after the acne that of course manifested itself anyhoo. (Nod approvingly here).
Which I can only suppose to mean I owe Satan a Big One, and will have to intake the inhuman sulphur not through my post-life epidermis, but instead by dancing upon its blistering embers for some measure of eternity.
I'm pretty sure I have this one figured out. Other opinions will certainly be entertained.
Sulphur is great homeopathic remedy for dead rabbits. Speaking of dead rabbits ...
Posted by: Rhonda at May 26, 2005 11:57 PMAh, dead rabbits. Reminds me of an old flame...
Posted by: Velociman at May 27, 2005 12:00 AMAn ode to sulpha long overdue. I beg an allergy to the weak drugs myself.
(Meanwhile, I'm racking my brain trying to remember rubidium's atomic number...)
Posted by: Key at May 27, 2005 12:12 AMToo much info cramming the brainpan, Key. I know you knew the atomic number of rubidium is 37. The interesting point is that the atomic weight is 85.4678. That fucking mesmerizes me. But that's just me.
Posted by: Velociman at May 27, 2005 12:19 AMNo, it's got me too.
Posted by: Key at May 27, 2005 12:35 AMA block of SULFUR tends to smolder rather than burn. You can smell the SO2 gas from 100 yards away downwind, but you have to look closely to see the tiny blue flame.
Melt it (380 degrees F.), atomize it through a SULFER gun and inject it into a furnace. It burns like the fires of hell.
I don't call myself "Acidman" for nothing. I KNOW sulfer.
Posted by: Acidman at May 27, 2005 12:39 AM
You fuckers are crazy!
Posted by: Yabu at May 27, 2005 12:50 AMMy Gramma used to dry fruit for use in winter. After the slices were half dried, she'd put a little pan with a burning pile of Flowers of Sulphur in the fruit dryer so the fumes would get on the fruit. Gramma's dried fruit had a half life of 10,000 years and us kid's farts would peel paint at 100 yards upwind. We could clear a classroom with the threat of a toot after lunch. None of us ever got sick very much either. Probably because no one got close enough for us to catch anything.
Ahhhh, the memories.
Gerry N.
Posted by: Gerry at May 27, 2005 6:08 AMHave to agree, your crazy but in a good way. This reminds me of a drunk that I stumbled across in Savannah in a back alley close to River street. He was talking but not a word made sense. I gave him a large bottle of Southern Comfort and stepped over his stinking body and got in my car and drove home.
Posted by: James Old Guy at May 27, 2005 8:42 AMSavannah smells like an egg fart all the time, paper mills and acid plants. They took me to the ER one day, smelled too much sulfur, Cat
Posted by: Catfish at May 27, 2005 9:55 AMHere's a good trivia question: what's the difference between "frash" sulfur and "reclaimed" sulfur?
Posted by: Acidman at May 27, 2005 1:48 PMUm, you scamper over frash sulfur in Purgatory, and you scamper over reclaimed sulfur in the Malebolge pit of despair? Just a guess.
Posted by: Velociman at May 27, 2005 5:38 PMGood guess, but incorrect. I'll explain the difference the next time we meet.
Posted by: Acidman at May 27, 2005 6:47 PMOne time My parents took us camping on the Intercoastal wateray in NC. We stopped at this place callec Half Moon Camp Ground. The water was Artesian. The shower could make you gag. Welcome to a big refreshing glass of "Artesian Lemonade."
Kids today don't know shit.
Posted by: Chai-rista at May 28, 2005 6:12 PMsulfer is wierd
Posted by: beast at May 12, 2006 10:13 AMso chavez talked about sulphur and the devil, and glenda the good witch talked about sulphur after the bad witch left. what's the deal with sulphur and the devil? he smoked that shit like reefer?
Posted by: andrea at September 22, 2006 12:48 PM