Velociworld

PIMP MY RIDE

When I was 13 years old I talked the Senator into buying a brand new 1970 Oldsmobile Cutlass Rallye 350, the fucking pimpest ride in town. Here one now:



Limited edition, available only in Sebring Yellow, it was the hoss of the street, even cooler than its cousin, the Pontiac GTO Judge. Being an automatic, I'll grant that it was not the muscle car a Hemi 'Cuda, or Charger, or Super Bee was. But it had fucking eyeball power.

I was a manipulative little bastard, and had extracted a convenant from the Senator, to wit: my oldest sister would drive the Cutlass for 3 years, then it would be mine, all mine. Wheels were placed in motion, gears meshed, emollients slathered. I was a happy lad.

So imagine my chagrin when, after my sister's 3rd speeding ticket, the Senator drove that Cutlass Rallye 350 back to Fuller Oldsmobile, and returned with a Vista Cruiser station wagon. The gods urinated mightily upon Velociman that day.

Now the Vista Cruiser would haul ass, but you know, it just wasn't the same, right?

My sister has coin in the bank. I think she should look high and low, scour the land, and find a cherry Rallye 350, and gift me. I deserve it. It's the least she could do, the lead-footed wench.