May 4, 2005
PET PEEVE
I really don't like pets as a rule, although I tolerate them pretty well. I do have, however, a veritable zoo of irks, crotchets, and peeves swarming about my ankles at any given time, and so they are my unsolicited pets. Here's one:
People who leave their phone numbers like a fucking meth freak. I am driving down the byways, atraveling, and check my voicemails. Someone will leave a longwinded, gasbag story I have no use for, full of background and nuance, all for the answer to a simple question. Byways are dangerous at 90, especially when I'm steering with my left knee whilst I attempt to scribble a message on the back of some vendor's business card with a cellphone cradled to my ear. And, no, cell phones are not ergonomically designed for the cradling. Better to just jam it in your ear.
And so, after a lazy, blithering story, this asshole will leave their number in some kind of speedfreak staccato machine gun burst that lasts all of .7 seconds. 7045712331!!!! Hang up.
Well, you fucking asshole. I now have to listen to the message again, after scrolling through the previous 15 messages to get to it, because you couldn't slow down your fucking pie hole. You were drawling like the nigras wuz cummin' in from da fields while you were sippin' a mint julep for an interminable length of time, then you went all tobacco auctioneer on me at the critical moment.
Heed me: if you want a return call from me, slow the fuck down, and ENUNCIATE! Repeating the number, at casual speed, might even seal the deal. That's what I do, but what do I know.
I learned this shit in kindergarten. What is these numbnuts' problem?
I get the biggest problem with people doing that on my answering machine. No cell, no caller ID, no voicemail, just an answering machine on the landline. And I would get the aforementioned long, rambling messages, and half the time they wouldn't bother leaving a number at all, let alone the rapid-fire, once stated variety.
When I complained, I was informed that I should be getting it off of my non-existant caller ID. Apparently, it's no longer necessary for anyone to leave their number anymore.
Posted by: Samira at May 4, 2005 11:21 PMI just feel sorry for the poor fucker in NC who's gonna be getting the calls at the number you posted up there. That's cold, dude.
Posted by: zonker at May 5, 2005 12:42 AMI absolutely LOVE this:
You were drawling like the nigras wuz cummin' in from da fields while you were sippin' a mint julep for an interminable length of time, then you went all tobacco auctioneer on me at the critical moment.
[snip]
*snorrrrrrrrrrt*
Posted by: Margi at May 5, 2005 1:08 AMI just get a busy signal. Even at 6:18 am. I wonder what his problem is.
Posted by: John at May 5, 2005 9:10 AMAs a former Voicemail Transcriber, a.k.a. Voicemail Monkey, I know exactly whereof you speak.
I tended toward the end of a long, stutter-filled day to "accidentally" hit delete when those messages popped up.