Velociworld

Bloodshot Blues

I occasionally partake in adult activities that leave my eyes looking like two piss holes in a snowbank. And in order to maintain my Kate Moss supermodel good looks I am forced to splash some drops in my eyes to whiten them back up.

In the beginning there was Murine. This was developed to ease eyes burned by days in an over-chlorinated public pool. It didn't prevent the polio you'd catch in a pool like that, but your eyes would feel great as you tried to swing one hellishly gnarled leg in front of the other.

Then Visine came along. This was a big hit in the '70's because it contained the mysterious ingredient tetrahydrozoline, guraranteed to GET THE RED OUT! This was brilliant target marketing to stoners worldwide, as well as the three-martini lunch crowd.

I have to tell you, though. Visine doesn't do shit for me. I think gonhorreal discharge would get the red out of my eyes faster than Visine. How do they get away with that? The shit doesn't work! Or does one develop an immunity to it?

My drops of choice are Clear Eyes. They work as well as can be expected (sometimes you cross a line that nothing but a bloodletting will cure). Sometimes I'll get really crazy and go for the Clear Eyes ACR allergy and cold relief version, but that fucking stuff is hard core, even for me. It can make you think a D & C was just performed on your corneas. That is for mornings of three hours sleep or less. I'm convinced it literally draws the juices out of my eyeballs, and if I overuse it they will eventually collapse in upon themselves, like brittle, rotted ping pong balls.

So it's Clear Eyes regular for me. I had to share.