March 9, 2005
HALIFUCKINGTOSIS
For some reason I have been graced with a plethora of male coworkers who suffer from halitosis. And I'm not talking about good old-fashioned bad breath from garlic, or Grey Goose indulgence, or unflossed teeth, or espresso breath. I'm talking clinical chemical fetidness and imbalance, peptic and duodenal disgust.
What the fuck is that all about? They have spouses. Don't they experience it??? Christ. The Bride would have me at the doctor if I was exuding this horrific stuff.
Very weird. I've never met a woman that has this problem. Oh, the cycles of the moon change a woman's breath, to be sure. There are certain tastes, a pallette of them, that accompany menses. But this is different.
The funny thing is these people are all in sales. Buttonholers. Collargrabbers. Close talkers. One way to skin a cat, I suppose, but they aren't selling me anything.
I want a fucking cease and desist order on the halitosis. Or at the very least a pill to cure it.
"...peptic and duodenal disgust."
You slay me! I'm off to brush, floss and suck on an Altoid.
Posted by: Spud King at March 10, 2005 12:58 AMThere IS a pill to cure it. It's called "Certs."
Posted by: Acidman at March 10, 2005 9:23 AMActually Ive got a spitter here in my office. When he gets fired up man he just spews saliva. His question to me is "Dude why are you always wearing safety glasses inside". Hell hailtosis is the least of my worries, I need a tarp.
Posted by: Lance at March 10, 2005 12:03 PMDon't kiss them. Gum disease is contagious. Especially resistant nasty bacteria fill inhabit the pockets of receding gumlines, creating a most specific nauseating stench.
Smokers and those with poor dental hygiene most susceptible. Oh hell yeah, I've done the research. I had to TRAIN such a coworker. Try training someone with your back to them...
Posted by: Key at March 10, 2005 12:47 PMOh..my last boss suffered from this...to make matters worse he was the kind of person that insisted on getting all up in your face when he talked...I know he melted my nose hairs clean off....Didn't they say Clark Gable had it too? Hmmm...
Posted by: Sandy at March 10, 2005 4:13 PMSlip them some chlorophyll tablets.
Posted by: Cythen at March 10, 2005 6:55 PMGable?
My gawd that is tragic. Enough to ruin a passionate kiss scene.
Posted by: Key at March 10, 2005 8:04 PMAye, Gable had the halitosis bad, and a drinking problem to exacerbate it. Big dick, though, they say. And why would I be kissing the men in my office, Key? Huh? Huh? Are you questioning my manhood? Or just the improper placement thereof?
Posted by: Velociman at March 10, 2005 8:13 PMYou do seem awfully comfortable in the style arena...
(But no, was just using that as a lead in to an otherwise boring comment.)
Posted by: Key at March 10, 2005 8:32 PMMy Pops used to say 'halitosis is better than no breath at all.' Of course, he was gunned down in '90.
Posted by: rankin' rob at March 10, 2005 10:13 PMIt's all good for you all...
I couldn't pass judgement..
I know you wouldn't either
I guess I kinda have an odor emulating from my mouth. My tooths is rotten. Have any suggestions?
Didn't think so..
Vman, you kinda pissed me off. I'm the motherfucker that pounded the nails into the walls that stand and keep you sheltered from the storm. Stand on your high horse and soon the fucker will buck you.
My breath still stinks, thinking of robbing a dentist....
I still like ya bicycle man......Set your sites on me. me don't give a rats