Velociworld

The Humble Pineapple

I love me a damned pineapple. That is the best food in the world, regardless of what it does to my blood sugar. I am reluctant, often, to bare my soul on many issues lest it be used against me later in a court of law, but I love me a damned pineapple. Sweet, sweet stuff. If there is a heaven I hope I am ensconced on a seashell throne, having buxom Jewesses feed me the pineapple.

Some thoughts on this delicacy:

My mother used to make my sister pineapple sandwiches. Dole slices on white bread with mayo. By the time lunch rolled around they were soggy messes. Unfit for consumption. But we had a friend by the name of Meatball who loved soggy pineapple sandwiches. He would trade his PBJ every day for those things. That is a free market resolution I would like to see more of, frankly.

Pineapple supposedly makes the spoot taste sweet. I am eliciting volunteers for a double blind study on this phenomenon. And work with me, here. If it tastes like PBJ you are in the placebo group. Just pretend, okay?

They grow a shitload of pineapples in Hawaii. I reckon every pineapple I ever ate came from there, but I may be wrong.

Manuel Noriega was called Pineapple Face, due to scarring from smallpox, or some shit. He was a drug-running bastard, but I still can't believe George H W Bush dethroned him, and put on a show trial in Miami, and locked him up. He was a fucking head of state. That is shameful. If I'm ever a tinpot dictator I expect a little more respect.

I like to core my own pineapples. Do the whole 9 1/2 weeks thing. Freak.

Old fragmentation grenades from WWII were called pineapples for obvious reasons. They were nasty things. I understand the German "potato masher" was a far less dangerous device, and was actually meant to be used by advancing troops. You threw it and ran forward. Not what one would do with a pineapple.

I think I'm pretty well spent on this subject. I think I'm spent, period. Pineapple exotica can be draining. I do hope I don't dream of Noriega tonight.