February 14, 2005
Doc Savage
When I was a kid I used to love to read Doc Savage novels, pulled together from the original magazine stories. Doc was a superhero of sorts who existed in pulp fiction from 1933 to 1949. He was the Man O' Fucking Bronze, part superman, part brilliant genius, who combated evil from the 86th floor of a Manhattan skyscraper with the assistance of his five friends - the greatest braintrust ever assembled - and the resources of a Mayan treasure trove.
This was back in the days when scientific knowledge was the be-all, when technology was the greatest of human triumphs. Doc was part Tarzan, part Holmes, part Einstein. He was da fuckin' Man. He also drove a Rolls Royce Silver Phaeton, as I recall (and I'm way too lazy to fact-check that) in the midst of the Great Depression, which made him an Oppressor of the People as well, which I am down with.
Doc had bronze skin, hair, bronze-flecked irises. A freak. The Mutant would like Doc. If he ever learns to read I'll turn him on to him.
The only film I am aware of is 1975's effort with Ron Ely as Doc. It was too lame to link. Ron Ely? The most pussified Tarzan ever? As Doc Savage? Please. Why not just cast Richard Chamberlain as Doc, and hang a velour scrotum from the rearview mirror of the Silver Phaeton like fuzzy dice?
My point is it is time to bring Doc back to the big screen. I applaud Hollywood's efforts at cinematizing the Marvel pantheon, but I must say they have, as a rule, left me cold. Too much CGI, too little plot. I could have found a far superior Mary Jane for Spiderman from the porno casting couch, too.
If I could raise about $35 million with a Paypal button I could possibly pull this off.
No idea who would play Doc. But if that Affleck chipmunk came sniffing around I believe I'd have to bust a cap in his ass.
The Rock has the bod, though I'm not sure of the acting chops. Oh heck, he can do it, with some serious make-up effects.
Did you ever read the Philip Jose Farmer story that pitted Doc and Tarzan against each other? In the climactic fight, they each got aholt of each other's dicks and ended up ripping them off. Very disturbing.
Posted by: Bane at February 14, 2005 10:05 PMPerhaps Swineherd and the Mutant could meet?
A most bizarre and titillating rendezvous, no?
Maybe a midsummer night's dream.
For now, Torchpraise, Swineherd, and I are sojourning at a Franciscan monastery for Lent. We'll be posting this fortnight. We hope to prove ourselves a worthwhile read.
Not sure if it will measure up to the Dowager's standard. But, then again, her's is that of gold.
Good night.
Posted by: torchpraise at February 14, 2005 10:34 PMHow about Tom Swift. Remember Tom Swift?
And didn't Edgar Rice Burroughs write a series other than Tarzan?
Yes he did. Actually a number of other books, the John Carter/Princess Of Mars series being my favorite. (You can read em all for free at project gutenberg. Princess Of Mars is here.}
Posted by: Guy S. at February 15, 2005 10:15 PMChristopher Walken would be perfect !
Posted by: Robert at February 16, 2005 12:20 AMhttp://members.aol.com/the86floor/novels/cast.html
Here's a link to the Doc Savage characters. I picked Gary Sinise for Long Tom because his nickname was a pun based on his small stature.
Posted by: WALL at February 16, 2005 2:51 AM