December 17, 2004
Prime Time
One of the joys of the Vast Wasteland is the Holiday Season, because the shows are, well, special. Today in TV Guide I saw the upcoming:
Bobby loses his virginity, and awakens with a Skoal ring around his penis from a bi-curious Neimann-Marcus elf on a very special King of the Hill.
A malodorous, quicksilvery yeast infection rampages through the neighborhood on a very special Desperate Housewives.
Larry the Cable Guy gets an ass lift, a rhinestone baseball cap, and some adorable bell sleeves sewn on his shirts on a very special Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Meets Bluecollar TV.
Mark Harmon plays a tender and loving husband and Stephen Collins resists all manner of temptation from a scarlet strumpet on a very special Lifetime TV's 100 greatest Moments.
Okay, I made that last one up. Harmon whacks the bitch, and Collins gives his wife syphilis.
I can't wait to watch the others, however. And executive produce the last one.
Sipowitz is run down by a bus full of Tuba playing Santas on 42nd Street, and his kidney is stolen while he is comatose on a very special NYPD Blue.
Paige Davis is rendered unconsious by an over-spiked eggnog and inadvertantly bricked into a faux-hearth with designer Doug, during a very special Trading Spaces.
Helen Thomas makes her acting debut as the lovable and controversial Marge Schott-Scrooge in a very special ESPN2 version of A Christmas Carol.