November 23, 2004
Bloodwork
I don't give blood. I don't like it, I don't think it is a healthy avocation. It is filthy work.
Allow me to expand on this theme. I tried to give blood when I was a Coast Guard Cadet. Herded into line, actually. When I finally reached the clipboarders they discovered I was only 17, and told me I could not give blood because I was a minor. I attempted to explain I was in a United States military academy, and had sworn my allegiance to the USA, and had my anus probed, and was eligible for courts martial, but they would not let me donate blood.
That pissed me the fuck off.
I carry that grudge to this day. So here's the rub:
My company is like any other company: they find a photogenic bitch, and saddle her with the United Way gig, and the Blood Drive gig. And I use the term "bitch" delicately. The Old Boys always find a female to saddle with this additional work. I'm not going down this path tonight, but they do. It is fucking shameful.
So the "bitch" has to go around with a clipboard and sign people up not only for the United Way but for Blood Drives. No way. I don't play that shit.
LISTEN: I will never open a vein to a stranger in a fucking van temporarily parked on the curb. Call me modest. Call me an asswipe. Fuck that.
And I don't like the "bitch" corralling me by the water cooler, where I am waxing eloquent on the death rate of space diving, and demanding when I am signing up for the bloodletting.
Lookit: you have your job, I have mine. This is personal. Sticking a needle in your body and draining it of life-giving, precious fluids is PERSONAL. As is AIDS.
A friend of mine was badgered so much he finally had to scream "I caught malaria in Viet Nam! Leave me the fuck alone!"
My sentiments exactly. Take your Blood Wagon and get out of my face. I'm A Negative anyway. It is dogshit plasma. My Bride and one of my daughters are O positive. They are universal donors. Hit them up. I will give blood prior to a serious operation, to reinfuse myself, in case that Paki doctor fucks me up.
I feel much better now.
So your company wants your undying love, devotion, hard labor, AND blood?
Fuck 'em.
I gave blood when dad needed it, near the end. Otherwise, no dice. Keep blood between brothers.
Posted by: og at November 23, 2004 10:23 PMI don't think I'm allowed donate...for reasons that I'll probably delve into in another few weeks. Long story and I'm not really interested in opening that door just now.
Anyhow, while donated blood has saved my ass once before, I'm not altogether comfy with the donor system.
Posted by: zonker at November 23, 2004 10:38 PMmy blood type is "A Bastard".
at least that's what the ex-mrs. helpful used to claim.
dats probably why nobody ever comes around asking me for blood....
Posted by: mr. helpful at November 23, 2004 10:39 PMO neg is universal. I'm O pos, which is popular enough.
I gave in to the corporate cry. The set up was on the first floor, which was 90% open lobby.
...meaning when I got dizzy, passed out cold, and had nurses in pajamas jump me with cold packs, I got to do so in front of everyone.
(Haven't tried again.)
Posted by: Key at November 23, 2004 10:59 PMI tried to give once. Something about the two gram a day smack habit put the cuties in white coats off for some reason. All I really wanted was the ten bucks and some orange juice.
Posted by: bitterman at November 23, 2004 11:02 PMSo O Neg is universal? Shows what I know. Fuck the blood merchants, anyhoo. They make money off that blood. They should share the wealth.
Posted by: Velociman at November 23, 2004 11:08 PMI get out of it by being too large for the "portable" donor tables. That and the fact that all of my blood-plumbing is sunk so deep in the adipose tissue they need a psychic and a grizzled, old, rheumy oil wild-catter just to locate them.
Posted by: Mamamontezz at November 24, 2004 1:10 AMMama, you make me laugh first thing AM! :D
I tried the plasma donation thing once with a group of my friends in college. The spinning vortex of unconsciousness I left when I passed out was so strong, I nearly took a couple people with me.
"Geez Jimmy! When I saw you go down, I almost passed out then and there too!"
Posted by: Desert Cat at November 24, 2004 10:06 AMPlan your next romantic getaway in Port-au-Prince. I guarantee that the Blood Bitch will leave you in peace for at least the next five years. Surf's up!
Posted by: Queenie at November 24, 2004 12:53 PMI use to feel the same way. Then a couple of years ago I saw a Red Cross billboard with a couple of kids, all about how donated blood had saved their lives. It got me thinking about my own two kids. Someday it may be them on the receiving end of those "life-giving, precious fluids." That turned me around, and I've been giving every two months ever since.
Now I agree about the bus parked at the curb. I will not donate in a moving vehicle. All my donations are made in a very immovable building near where I work. They have a drive here every month, and I usually show up every other month, which is the limit. But we don't get pressured by our employers to donate. That would piss me off, too. The Red Cross does give you a t-shirt and a free Chic-Fil-a sandwich, in addition to the juice and cookies. So it actually pays to give.
Posted by: Robert at November 24, 2004 1:13 PMYou mentioned the Paki doctor. Swineherd is gnashing his teeth. It calls his the little Vietnamese doctor-man.
Posted by: torchpraise at November 24, 2004 1:42 PMI gave once. It was the first time in my life I was *allowed* to give - before that, I was too young, didn't weigh enough, or had been on malaria prophylactics to recently.
Never again.
The weight limit is 110. I weighed exactly 110. They took the same amount of blood from me as they would from michael moore.
It was like being drunk for a week. I couldn't drive. I slept 14 hours a night. I ate all the red meat I could find and all the iron suppliments I had and still felt exhausted.
Never again.
Posted by: J9 at November 24, 2004 2:10 PMType A Negative? Me too. I'll keep that in mind should I ever get a serious case of the epizoodic and I need a donor.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at November 24, 2004 8:21 PMSo I guess you're not keen on the organ donor program. Too bad; you could get some select "organs". What's so damn hard about giving a pint of blood? I'm O neg., so I just wait till THEY call ME. And they do..every summer.
Posted by: Belinda at November 25, 2004 5:57 PM