October 29, 2004
The Greatest Ballgame in the World
Aye, it's October, and it's time for bucolic Jacksonville to be inundated by one hundred thousand drunkards, spewers, leg humpers, cow tippers, crimps, spungs, feebs, butanol huffers, titty twisters, crack sellers, grifters, swindlers, penis piercers, corpse defilers, date rapers, barn burners, entrail ensorcelers, worm farmers, puppy fingerers, colon stuffers, asscrack sniffers, and pus collectors. And that's just the Florida fans. We Georgia fans are much worse.
Yo, it's time for the Georgia-Florida game. The world's largest outdoor cocktail party. Hell, the world's largest collective beer fart.
So a hundred thousand will fit inside Alltel Stadium the Gator Bowl, and a hundred thousand will mill around outside, or in dozens of bars around the city.
Shirts will be stripped and lost, hymens savaged. It's like Caligula, with drunk driving.
I will not attend the game this year. I've been to the Game 10 times in the last twenty years, and the Dawgs were a collective 1-9 at those games. Call it the Curse of the Velocibino. No, I will go to the local sports bar, and watch the game amid a crowd of belligerent Gators fans, who will be, if true to form, complete cocksuckers to me.
The Gator fan is a sight to behold. They all have summer teeth (summer here, summer there), and what few teeth they have resemble shoe peg corn. The corn the worms got to. They are housepainters and Roto-Rooters, balljacks and skip tracers. A most foul crowd to watch a game with.
I'm going to have a blast, too.
Oh: Georgia 24, Florida 13.
I don't want the Dawgs to win too big. Florida will then be forced to pony up $12 million, and rehire Satan's Bloodclot, Steve Spurrier. My blood pressure canna handle that.
I'm gonna say we'll either take it by less than 5 or more than 20.
(We seem to be an all or nuttin breed.)
Posted by: Key at October 29, 2004 8:03 PM"...hymens savaged"
Those things still exist?
Posted by: rightisright at October 29, 2004 8:21 PMApparently not in your family.
Posted by: Velociman at October 29, 2004 8:23 PMIf those are your people, then you might enjoy this story. Might. Enjoy.
Posted by: queenie at October 29, 2004 8:43 PMSo, If I got this right, you're saying Gator fans and Earnhardt fans are one and the same?
Shit... I didn't even know I liked the Gators.
Posted by: RedNeck at October 29, 2004 9:18 PMOkay, this is the deal. I'm a Dawg fan for this game. I hate Florida, almost as much as I hate Cry-Baby Spurrier. Geaux Dawgs!
By the way, in my neck of the woods, the word is Mac Brown is on his way out and Texas is talking to Spurrier.
Posted by: Christina at October 29, 2004 10:22 PMI will see that hymen and raise you 2 labia, your choice..preference here is of the majora fold.
Spurrier is already in.
Posted by: Marcus at October 29, 2004 10:45 PMYou vile creature spawned of Hell's most odiferous bowel expulsion. Normally I would taunt you mercilessly as to the questionable familial heritage of your poor buck-toothed Bulldog cheerleaders, but I know that this is likely the year that the sun finally shines on the simians ass for once and the foul 'dawgs will come away with their single redeeming moment in a new decade of Florida dominance. Zook's lame-duck tenure begins this week and I fully expect for both him and his team to be unprepared for this most cherished of rivalries.
Enjoy it while it lasts. The 'Ol Ballcoach WILL be back at UF next year and Georgia fans will be able to return to their regularly scheduled post-game whining about his arrogant and heartless reign of terror.
Posted by: ConfigSys.boy! at October 30, 2004 12:07 AMIf Mark Richt spits the bit today he may lurch alarmingly towards Ray Goffdom. He recruits the studs, and he's got some good staff, and the whole Church on Sunday scam keeps the local media off of the scent. But he mismanages the clock and calls madcap plays at the oddest times. He bled off :25 seconds at the end of the Tennessee game instead of calling timeout that may well have cost this year's team a shot at the mythical national championship.
We've lost 13 of 14 to FLA, and last year and this we clearly have the superior team. It's time to quit wetting the bed against the gators. Like I was taught in Athens, gators eat boogers.
Posted by: rankin' rob at October 30, 2004 11:47 AMWell, I canna speak to the rest of it, but I grok on the Scottish lingo.
Or something like that....
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