September 26, 2004
Damage Assessment
I'm sure this will piss off Anna to no end, however my defense is this is not a hurricane blog, it is a tropical storm blog, with all the rights and appurtenances attaching thereto, or whatever the language says on my internet Doctorate of Divinity goatskin. And she is also exalted for a most brilliant recap of her days in the dark cellars of Raisinworld. And, finally, I don't own any thumb screws, although I possess a magnificent pair of screw thumbs, although they don't get much of a workout these days.
Thus far: no real damage other than some ripping off of some eave cladding, which I recovered in my hedges. I was concerned about the zipper effect on my shingles as a result, but I plastered pictures of Erica Jong on the exposed parts, and all is well thus far. My next door neighbor lost an oak tree, however it fell to the other side, in R.'s yard, and we don't like her anyway. When she does deign spend time in her own abode it is to treat a revolving door of pin-dicked mutants who not only likely refuse to pay her obese ass for services rendered, but cart off durable goods on departure. I have property values to protect.
I'm hoping Savannah gets a stall-out. 22 inches of rain on everywhere but my brothers' places, because I pissed my pajamas at a Boy's Club sleepover on Derenne Avenue during the Kennedy Administration, and someone must pay for my humiliation.
I must confess, also, that I am bejoyed when a typhoon hits Bangladesh, and sucks 23,000 hapless souls out to sea, never to be seen again. Intact, I should add. Body parts, of course, wash up all the time. But to me that is a signal of an Efficient God, and I learned from Production classes that Efficiency is Our Friend. I picture Jehovah in a white lab coat, like the Efficiency Experts in 1930's newsreels, strolling through Ford plants, smiting the malingerers, the grab assers, and the screwheads.
That's pretty much it. If I think of anything else I'll be sure to let you know.
P.S. That eave cladding that ripped away is of course on my uppermost gable, so I'll be out tomorrow, 30 feet up, with a hangover, in 25 knot winds, with my middle ear equilibrium bona fides as suspect as a Dan Rather smear piece, smacking my hammer within millimeters of my right hand screw thumb. Glad I'm left-handed.
My My My... one does have to love it when the liquor kicks in on a new friend and it's detectable. From my limited time here I'll try to translate Velocitanion to English:
"I'm hoping Savannah gets a stall-out. 22 inches of rain on everywhere but my brothers' places"
equals
I hope Acidman is up to his bionic roscoe in copperheads and blown north gators.
...
"I pissed my pajamas at a Boy's Club "
equals
I'd piss on Acidman except the wind is currently blowing the wrong direction, thus, I'd be pissing into the wind and I don't do that.
...
"days in the dark cellars of Raisinworld"
nearly equals
something to do with the recent post about "a story about a canker boil abutting your nutsack"
...
Awe hell, I was gonna go on here, but I've gotta work in the morning and it's nearly morning now.
For the record, 5$ words I don't understand in this post:
appurtenances?
Erica Jong?
deign? -- shit I feel bad, thats a 1 sylable 5$ word.
Velociman, all in all, this one didn't get past my 20$ limit of 5$ words so I pretty much understood it.
Glad you're still kickin'.
PS
Now she don't have that "Mature Tree" thing hanging over you're real estate value does she? Heh Heh. Playing fields been leveled.
Damn, Bryan. Let me deconstruct: Erica Jong zipless fucked grown up boys, in "Fear Of Flying", a mindplay on my earlier post about the Linke story in Folio Weekly called "Fear of Flying". Gotta be quick, son! "Deign" I picked up for 3 tuppence at E. Shaver Booksellers in 1978. You may use it, no charge. "Appurtenances" I generally save for deploying my Johnson, i.e. "Hey, baby, get a load of this appurtenance! Sleek, n'est-ce pas?"
And, finally, you'd have to wake Acidman up from his nappy time for comment on the pissing theory. I really did piss my pajamas. It was the Cuban Missile Crisis, goddammit.
I have a home schooling class starting tomorrow, if I survive the roof work. I'm expensive, but I'm good. Very good.
Boy, you poke fun at one unfortunate geographical group caught in Mother Nature's wrath and fury and ya never live it down. I guess it'd be double jeopardy if I went after any with boils on their sack. That "k" seems superfluous. Hah, Bryan...superfluous! HAH!
Posted by: Anna at September 27, 2004 7:38 AMI've got your piss theory. Piss on YOU.
Excuse me, I'm going back to nap-time now.
Posted by: Acidman at September 27, 2004 11:35 PMDid widdums Rob waked up on the wrong side of the bed?
Posted by: Velociman at September 28, 2004 7:27 PMRob,
Didn't mean to wake you up. Just trying to poke a little good natured fun around Georgia/Tennesse/Florida(cause I'm jealous). You'd might be pissed to know that it's a transplanted Tarheel(you know hurricane magnet state) from Ohio that's doing it.
I personally directed the power off in your crackerbox for 4 hours the other day.(Did it from The Ohio State University's mind control Rob chamber) built to specifically make the power go off in the cracker box to make you self reflect.
As for piss on me, ... that ain't my fetish. It was meant to be just good ol' Redneck pokin' of fun.
'
Before you think I'm taking your response too seriously, I'm not. I just wanted to be clear. I know we've never met, but form my side of the screen, you're a good guy that reminds me of some of my relatives in NC, and I consider you a friend.
BryanH
bryan.henderson@ushendersons.com
Actually, Bryan, I believe that was aimed (!) at me. He tells me that all the time. And don't worry. He won't be back to this post. He's too busy trying to get some females to lay some funk on him.
Posted by: Velociman at September 28, 2004 8:32 PMVman,
No problem. I know he cruises thru once in a while. No feelings hurt on my end. I do enjoy reading his writings and didn't want him to think I actually had a bone, bionic or not, to pick with him.
Damn,
Natty Ligth's kickin' in.
Why do they make laptop keyboards so little. Don'they know you could fat finger anything in this state of mind. :) Including that chick from Costa Rica.
BryanH ;)
Posted by: BryanH at September 28, 2004 10:48 PM