Velociworld

These are Things that DIED, DIED!

With apologies to Jim Carroll, a list of things that have died on me recently:

Dishwasher
Telephone
Fountain pump
House AC compressor
Ute AC compressor
Pool pump
Ute battery
Ute alternator
Toaster
Range

Okay, the range didn't exactly die, it became a trooper in the Legion of the Undead. Skeeter warmed some chicken fingers last night, and dutifully turned off the range. When I awoke at 6 a.m. this morning I damned near burned my william johnson off when I leaned against it to grab the coffee beans. It was still on. Burning like a bastard. I threw the circuit breaker, and now I'm looking at yet another extracurricular drain on my already specious finances. And to top it all off, my refrigerator is making that ominous REDRUM sound again. Fucking Skynet is doing this. I may have to go shoot that bastard designer.

I'd rob a liquor store to pay for all this crap, but they don't make a mask good enough for that job ("Here's all my money, and a bottle of Jameson, Mr C. I mean Mr. Nixon. You drive safe now"). And yet the club-footed parakeet lives on like the Ener-fucking-gizer Bunny.