Velociworld

Back in 12th grade, people took to calling me "New Wave Dave." Didn't bother me.

Heh...but the missus and I discussed, many years ago, what nicknames we wanted -- she chose "Kitten" and I chose "Flash."

Oh, and John Travolta named his kid Jett.

Flash? No shit? I'm sorry.

and now you know another "spanky". this is a true story. i kid you not. my nickname at my company is "spanky" or, when my boss is in a really good mood..."spanks". ive grown used to it however i totally hated it when it first popped up.

and how did it pop up, you ask?

around four years ago, my franchise group had a woman manager who could be considered a "hard core lesbian", for lack of a better phrase. this woman was all butch. she had the really short hair, muscular build, wore those goddamn plaid type shirts those butch bitches seem to always wear and a wrap around her chest so her boobies wouldnt stick out. She was uglier than pope paul the twenty sixth. she was more man than i am.

she was also loud and obnoxious...gee what a surprise, eh? one day, i had the misfortune of wandering into her store because i was in the area and thought i would stop in and say hi. it was the middle of summer and i was wearing shorts. as soon as she saw me, with a room full of customers, she cried, "oh my god, I love your legs!!"

i, of course, turn beet red and make plans to cut my visit short. in the next two minutes, before i could get the hell out of there, all i heard was how cute and muscular my legs were, especially my thighs. once safely back in my car, i wept with relief at my escape and figured that would be the end of that.

except it wasnt. at our next meeting, at the end when the boss typically asked if there was anything else, good ole butch the lesbo piped up with (in her usual loud and obnoxious voice), "yeah, i got something. greg was in my store last week and he was wearing shorts and his legs were so cute all i wanted to do was spank him!!"

now, you have to understand. my boss is an ultra conservative, ultra religious type of guy and the only reason the butch lesbo was even on the team was because the owner of the franchise is a liberal "we believe in diversity" type and the lesbo was his token example of how committed we were to making sure anyone could have the chance at wrecking one of our stores.

my boss stood there shell shocked at this pronouncement. of course i was looking for any holes in the floor to dive into and finding none. the rest of the group had dissolved into uproarious laughter which was only made worse when one of the other females jumped up, pointed to me and said, "SPANKY! That's what we'll call you!!".

so the lesbo got fired a few months later for embezzling ungodly sums of money and i have spent the last four years being called "spanky" although not nearly as much now as back then, thank god.

arent you glad you asked?

Well, Spanky.

Let's see those legs!

Spanky? No shit? I'm sorry.

Oh yeah, spanky, let's see them sexy legs!!! *EG* I don't know a lot of Michele's that have the nickname Mickey. My maiden name was Mouser,,,so hmm, guess you'll have to figure it out! *S* One advantage, though; I was the only two-year-old that could spell their name by singing it! Just had to learn to add an 'r' at the end.

In high school, more years ago than I care to remember, we had a guy who gave everyone a nickname. In fact, he gave himself a nickname. His name was Walter, but he preferred "Wilbur." Go figure.

Anyway, he decided that I should be called "Trini," presumabely after the then-popular guitar player and singer. However, when he gave me that name, he said in his intentionally goofy voice, "Trini...Yeah...Trini...I like it. It's a real jerkoff name."

Eveyone liked "Wilbur" - even those of us who were awarded a real "jerkoff" name.

Mouser? No shit? I'm sorry.

Velociman? No shit? I'm sorry.

(sorry...just couldnt resist.)

My nickname is Catfish, all mouth and full of shit. I love it. My biker friends gave it to me and everyone at work, started to call me Catfish also.

El Chupacabra

El Chupacabra, the Goat Sucker? No shit? I'm sorry.

Actually just a joke in re: X-Files. Never sucked a goat, sorry to say...

I don't have one now. I guess I used up too many back in the High School days. Back then I had three that were in common use. The first was "Super Pea" and was my name around the lacrosse field. It was one of those ironic names because the only thing I was really super at was getting hit with those fucking concrete lacrosse balls.

The second was "Peaches", given to me by a very hot redhead in English class and coveted as a result. I don't remember why she gave it to me - the blood was rushing to my head when she explained it. That became my nickname amongst the brainy types.

The last was "Droopy", like the sad little dog. That's what I was known as by the heads and other chemical experimenters.

rankin' rob was given to me by Evan Lieberman, one of the great white rastafarians of Athens, Georgia, circa 1980. It was a cop from Rankin' Roger, the great toasting vocalist of The Beat, or after the lawsuit, The English Beat, one of the great rock and roll bands of all time. I carry it with honor and have even perverted it with lower case spelling courtesy of e.e. cummings, one of the great post-modern poets. So there.

Rankin' Rob? No shit?

I remember Rankin' Roger. We saw the English Beat together in the rain and mud at Legion Field in Athens, dude. One of the great shows of all time. Unfortunately, I've never met a Margaret since then, so I couldn't tell her to Stand Down.

Cripes, Spanky...I mean Mr. Helpful...helluva a way to come about a nick.

Mine is GG, got it from my sister. She used to bug me all the time by sayin' GG instead of Gina and she passed it on to her kid. So, my nephew has been callin' me Auntie GG since before I had my own kids.

Damn it, and my sister is younger than me.

Go figure:)

Geez, lighten up V-Man. What the f*ck did we ever do to you to incur your snarky wrath?

Oh, right. Never mind.

I have two nicknames. Monkeedo was given to me by my two older sisters, who were ten and twelve when I was born. Everything they did I tried to do too, hence monkee see monkee do. The other one is grandma deece. That's what my grandkids call me, since they have trouble saying Denise. That's okay with me, as long as they say it with love.

I was called Cat-woman and Spider-Woman in my teen years. Cat-woman came about because I had those godawful cat-eyes glasses and Spider happened to rhyme with my last name.

At one place of employment I was called Coach, because I taught most of the people there how to grow sapphire (don't ask).

I don't currently have a nickname (unless you count Bitch, which I am occasionally refered to).

'Two Pump Chump' given to me by a girlfriend in high school.

Not sure why, but I did work part-time at a gas station.

I got the name "Rube" in college. The yankees and urbanites called me that, because I came from the sticks (Toonigh, GA) and was constantly getting conned by one city-slicker or another. Like taking candy from a baby, I was as good as Amish for all my street smarts.

The only other nickname I ever had was "Killer Dave", which I got for beating up an 80 lb. woman with leukemia. But that's a whole 'nother story.

I've never had a nickname that stuck. Mom called me Poo as a baby, because I farted on my dad the first time he held me. Charming, no?

In high school, a few UberJocks in my human physiology class took to calling me The Last American Virgin because I didn't put out. That ended as soon as said jocks got it through their corrugated-steel skulls that they could not tease me into fucking. Once this realization sunk in, they mostly just called me "Ma'am", which suited me just fine.

In college, I worked at the (in)famous The Grill on College Square, as a dishwasher. I wore sensible shoes for the job - combat boots - but, as a lady fully inculcated with my momma's southern ways, I never left the house without lipstick. The makeup combined with the boots led a female line-cook to clepe me "Glamour Chunks". This lasted only until I found out about it, because I used my Chunks to kick the crap out of the snarky cow. I never did like her, anyway. I ran into her recently; she, too, has taken to calling me "Ma'am" - I think mainly because her current employer (Wal-Mart) makes her. Policy, you know.

Hee hee! Kelley said "poo!"

Altho I blog nicknonymously, triticale is not a nickname by which I am known. Most of the nicknames people call me are affectionate variants upon my true name, but I was known briefly as The Grebe (against my wishes) and then as Felix (my choice) back in the stoner days.

Nobody ever called me Wesson oil to my face, but I know they used it.
A buddy called me "Chester". which I took as a friendly gesture. (I think it came from Westchester)

Well, my nickname, Mamamontezz, is derived from Lila Montezz or The Montezz, which was my drag name from the years I worked with female impersonators in Indianapolis at a bar called Talbot Street.

See, I was 26, still a virgin, and crazy. I was the absolute anthesis of the actress Lola Montezz, who had so many lovers that she actually traveled with the circus in France as a side show attraction.

Being the wickedly talented satirist and evil punster that she is, the queen of the drag queens, Ruth Dix, dubbed me forever more Lila Montezz, Lola's virginal sister. Well, I had to have a drag name, after all, and it was perfect. Hell, for years I'd have people walk up to me in the mall and ask if I was Montezz.

So it was, and so it is. That was 21 years ago. Still love the name. And no, I gave up that virginity thing a long time ago.

For a while, in high school, I was "Paws", short for Bear Paws, because I kept dropping the hash.