Velociworld

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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The truth is more important than the facts.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

I am not young enough to know everything.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

The truth is more important than the facts.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

The covers of this book are too far apart.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Why don't you write books people can read?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I am not young enough to know everything.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

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