June 23, 2004
Department of Internal Dissent
If I was W I'd wire myself with about 8 blood squibs and do my next press conference in shirtsleeves. I'd pop those puppies about 10 minutes into the conference, then collapse in a heap.
Then I'd hunker down that night in the Situation Room with Rummy ("Thick Dick") and Dick ("Dick Dick") and Karl ("Puppetmaster") and Andy ("Marionette"), and study the tapes of the reporters' reactions. After swilling down 4 or 5 forbidden Scotches (Laura being in California reading to gradeschoolers) I'd issue my internal fatwah on the reporters who were grinning. The one who spooted his trou would, of course, be beheaded. They seem to respect that.
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