June 23, 2004
Quizzmaster Darwinism
A question keeps floating through my mind during those hellish interminable staff meetings: who would win a savage free-for-all between Bob Eubanks and Alex Trebek? I mean, put them in the Ultimate Fighting Championship octagon, and see who survives? Of course, Bob's a bit older than Alex, so we would have to assume both fighters are in their prime, as these hypotheticals always do.
Now, I like Alex, he's got game, but I'm thinking Bob "The Truth" Eubanks dogslaps that Canuck all the way to Flag Day. My theory is Bob learned judo in the Army (you always learn judo in the Army, it's a tradition going back to the days when the Nips would use judo on you, having stolen it from the Koreans when they were creating The Best Little Whorehouse in the Transasiatic Sphere of Influence).
So I'm figuring Bob has the reach, the footwork, and the desire. Anyone want to handicap this one?
Oh, yes. Speaking of the Ultimate Fighting Championship: I once watched that Irishman, Shamrock, get a mutant 500 pound sumo wrestler on all fours and beat his fucking brain stem with his fist for ten minutes before he finally collapsed. That's what Pay For View used to be about. Not Britney concerts.