Velociworld

Something Wicked This Way Comes

I found a note under my windshield wiper Wednesday as I was leaving the parking garage. Let me share it with you:

Dear Car Owner-

I tried to fit into the spot next to you & didn't fit. I scraped your rear bumper. I am SO sorry!

My name is --------, cell ph# --------. I will exchange insurance info w/you to pay for damages.

Again, I am SO SORRY!

She ended with her signature, followed by a Frowny Face.

How to begin? What a wonderful, honest naif. I was touched, I tell you. Especially after I walked around the Blazer and couldn't see what she was talking about. I finally saw it in the daylight. A one inch long scrape that had taken the paint, but hadn't dented the bumper or anything. Basically a touch up paint job, caress it with the buffer, no big deal. So what did I do?

Well, I waited four days and called her. Told her I was the person whose vehicle she had brutalized. Explained I now had my body shop's estimate, and it was $1,200. I then told her my body shop guy was an illegal alien with 6 kids to feed, a Patagonian Without Papers, who refused to deal with insurance companies. No, this would have to be a Cash Deal. I also explained that Jorge was going to Disney World next week, and needed some freeflow, and wanted to get this job knocked out right away. When could I expect my $1,200?

Wicked, indeed. I'll tell you, though: once you realize you're going to hell it's very liberating. You may as well pull out all the stops.

I DO have some small sense of decency left, however. I came clean after the first perceptible sob. Oh, we laughed after that! Actually, I don't recall any laughter on her end. She WILL laugh one day, however. In 20 or 30 years she will think back, screw up a wry smile, and shake her head. What a card! What a jokester! That guy!

My only redeeming quality is that I will bare my transgression with the world. I also told her I would make her famous on Velociworld as repayment for the cruel, evil stunt I'd pulled. I believe I heard additional sobs, but sobs with fear in them.

The worst part? This honest young lady is now jaded, and cynical. I doubt she will ever leave a note like that ever again, even if the car she clips has the bumper dragging the ground. I think I created a misanthrope out of thin vapour. I should be ashamed of myself, but until I stop laughing I doubt that will occur.

Posted by Velociman at May 23, 2004 12:58 AM