May 6, 2004
Friends
I have no friends. None like that show, anyway. I have aquaintances, mostly unacknowledged in public company. I like it that way. Give a person a bail-out, an ability to disavow you, and you have a friend for life. And a heavy debt to be repaid.
Where was I? Ah, yes, that wretched sitcom. I was disappointed none of the beloved characters blistered up with Kaposi's Sarcoma, or leprosy, and so I was therefore left to pan the quotidian like a drifter at Sutter's Mill three years after the gold washed out.
Yeah, verily, sons and daughters, I hated that show. I hated the shallow nature of the plots. I hated the weak acting. I hated the fact they were younger than me. I hated the fact they were marketed as the Youngster Version of Seinfeld.
Let me say this about Seinfeld: at least in the last episode the writers acknowledged their characters were self-absorbed assholes who deserved punishment. There is much to be said for that fess up.
Fuck Friends.