April 28, 2004
Desert Islands
Memo to anyone who thinks I'm going to separate wheat from chaff and pick 10 bloggers to accompany me on what would deteriorate into a Lord of the Flies scenario on a remote island: May I show you my turnip truck? Low miles, springs are good because the idiots already fell off the back.
First of all, the ratio would have to be 2:1 women, and the women I would invite would be all over each others' shit fang and nail like a bad Roller Derby game. Second, if I can't invite enough guys to flesh out a decent acoustic band, who's going to entertain me? I am the Godhead on this island, right? RIGHT? Worship me, or take the trip to the fucking volcano.
I will admit no virgins would be sacrificed. No, that crater would be reserved for screwheads who couldn't keep their guitars tuned, or better yet, indigenous peoples. Yes. Cull the brown-skinned fellows with the massive willies. They make the Godhead look bad.
I'm developing a vision here. It may take a day or so. Bear with me.