April 27, 2004
Jihad
Here's the opening broadside in my brother's drive to shut down the screwheads that allowed his and Michelle's canine companion to be mauled to death by a pitbull:
They put up this poster at a local pet fair. My brother is a feral litigator (Tenacious L, they call him), and I swear I almost pity the assholes who tolerate these genetic freak dogs. But not quite.
I used to advocate outlawing the breeding of these pernicious killers, but that would put too many loved ones and cherished pets at risk. No, I think it better to drop these vile mutant creatures wherever they be.
I hereby declare a $50 bounty for anyone who can prove they busted a cap in one of these Frankenhunds. Sorry I can't make it a hundred, but if I make it too lucrative Eric is liable to go off on a cross-country killing spree that would leave his familial duties unattended, and me broke.
That's not a cucumber in my pants, nor, alas, is it my particular friend Johnson, but is IS a big wad of blood money.
Fire at will.