March 24, 2004
CAN YOU SEE THE REAL ME?
My new duties necessitate a new wardrobe, and appurtenances. Given the level of capability I've obviously been identified with, I stopped off after work at Wal-Mart and purchased some safety scissors to replace those pointy ones in my drawer. I also took the opportunity to buy some latex surgical gloves, lest I catch anything contagious from my new Spongebob keyboard. I do hope I can safely navigate the scissors with the gloves.
Those silk sportcoats and blazers I just updated my wardrobe with? Banished in favor of a nice air-chambered life preserver. My Countess Mara ties represent a choking hazard, so I'll just use clip-on bowties for now, until I can locate something safer, like the tissue paper the barber wrapped around my throat as a youngster. The Johnston & Murphys are treed and boxed in lieu of the Red Wing steel-toed boots I saved from my days running a terminal.
Safety goggles, to deflect the errant paperclip? Check. Bicycle helmet, should I fall off my chair? Check. I really wish I could find some small pillows to strap to the soles of my safety boots, in case the wayward pebble finds its way underfoot.
Do you know how hard it is to find rubber underwear in Big Boy sizes?
I'm set, I think, although a few surgical masks and boat fenders would be nice. And I'm having a specialist quote a price on converting the office into a Boy in the Plastic Bubble rig. Of course, the risk management folks are very leery about allowing me to work in a pure oxygen environment.
Tomorrow, I shall ride the short bus to work.