March 12, 2004
GIMPLAND
I don't want to sound cruel here, just insensitive. I like this town, but By God there are a lot of cripples here. I swear I see at least two a day. Not clubbers with a cane or walker, either, but full blown arms-a-flailing, legs-a-whirling sideshow freaks. Some of them look like they're shooting the cuffs of their trousers instead of their coats.
Something in the water here? Are ortheopedic surgeons considered practitioners of some obscene voodoo? Where were these people's mamas and daddies when they were growing up?
A lot of these afflicteds look like they could ambulate admirably with a leg brace and a cane. There are some pretty advanced walkers on the market as well. But these folks insist on gyrating and flopping around like a blood sample in an off-balance centrifuge.
Fuck that, I say. Fuck that. It's unseemly to bring that much attention to yourself.
Also, it invariably brings to mind the old Redd Foxx joke about the man having an epilectic fit at the carnival: "Everybody thought it was a new ride, and hopped on. I got thrown off twice."
No, there are often fixes for these maladies, and I give up a sizeable chunk of my paycheck to ensure their ability to get it fixed for free. I shall pray to St. Vitus tonight to give these people the wisdom to seek some help. I'm tired of walking around like I'm stuck in a damned David Lynch film.