March 10, 2004
PAVLOV, PET
A lot of serious behavioral research has been done over the last two decades in an effort to prove that canines have evolved into animals who exhibit those traits and characteristics that will most endear them to their masters in exchange for what the animal wants, which is food, water, and comfort.
Pleasure at one's arrival, the mastery of tricks, obedience to orders, all point to the conclusion that dogs have become that rarest of things: a species of animal that has achieved the ultimate in parasitic relationship with another species. No other parasite actually brings pleasure to the host.
I personally found this theory repugnant at first, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I don't think dogs herd sheep, for instance, because they dig it. They do it because it makes master happy, and fills their belly.
So my thought is: if this theory is true, then isn't the whole Pavlov's Dog thing bullshit?
Maybe Pavlov's dog wasn't drooling because the bell had been rung, and therefore he knew dinner was coming. Maybe the dog was drooling because he knew Master wanted him to drool, and that way he could end the mind-numbing experiments and get what he wanted: food, water, and comfort.
In other words, Pavlov, being a slave to his own expectations, had become the trained, and mighty Rex had become the Master.
This theory works for me, but then I also believe I am the descendant of aliens and mountain gorillas.