March 9, 2004
ANOTHER THIEF IN THE WORKS
The Bride opened her Target bill today, and noticed a $35 late fee. A rather glaring charge, to be honest, considering the low balance on the account. I won't belabour the outcome, other than to allow she chewed their asses and had it removed. She'd made an electronic payment on 3/3, and the payment was due 3/29.
Here's my bitch: I catch these bogus charges about 4 times a year, on various accounts. They always say it was a "billing error". Let me tell you something:
These people are fucking liars. Oh, not the poor customer service hack in Chittagong, but the company, the enterprise. Overbillings and extracurricular charges and bullshit fees come from the top. That shit is systemic to the billing software. This is racketeering on a massive, but under the radar scale.
There is an entire cadre of low-rent, ratshack cocksuckers who've modeled themselves on the Enrons, and Worldcoms, and Arthur Andersens of the world, who are lining their pockets with the oversights of you and me. When you catch them, they plead error. When you don't catch them, they line their pockets. Never do they pay the price of their knavery.
They are highwaymen, pure and simple, only they lack the balls of a real highwayman, preferring to steal from you from the convenience of their hot tubs, and their outsourced billing departments in the State of Uttar Pradesh.
Well, I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore.
The next time I get billed a bogus charge, and they try to blow me off with a "billing mistake" excuse, I'm going to call their sorry asses on the carpet. Call them the thieves they are, and demand compensation. Because they are fucking thieves. I'm going to demand I be repaid by a like sum, doubled. Should they balk, I will consume myself with fucking with their world. Crime is down in this town. The snot-nosed Legal Aid and ACLU types are withering on the vine here, no ostensible cases of Injustice blowing their way.
I'll put them to work. It only takes a few buzzwords: multinational assholes, jobs shipped overseas, non-union environment, for instance. I'll find a few minorities with similar grievances, then we'll RICO their asses. I will unleash Holy Hell on the next Motherfucker who misbills me.
I've kept my old statements, too. I know who these assholes are. And I hate to say it, but when names of formerly outstanding corporations like TARGET start showing up, you know it's an endemic situation.
It's time to ramp up the prison rape on the Suits.