March 2, 2004
MORE THINGS I HATE
I hate that Direct TV commercial. The one where self-absorbed thespians, dressed in black, with their little stool and water glass props, read letters from customers glorifying their satellite service.
Fuck that nonsense, and the assholes in the commercials.
Look at the actors they chose:
Danny DeVito: a little asshole.
John Goodman: a big fat fucking blowhard asshole. That morbidly obese bitch needs to have his stomach stapled, or about 20 feet of his rancid colon removed.
Lawrence Fishburne: he's okay, I guess. He hasn't pissed me off lately.
Andy Garcia: I actually like Garcia, because he's anti-Castro. But he's hanging with some assholes here.
Joan Cusack: dumb twat. I heard her on an NPR interview a year or so ago. She's a dumb twat.
Actually, if they hadn't put that fat fuck Goodman in these things, I probably would have ignored them. Even though the whole premise, that these simpering, preening, self-absorbed cocksuckers lend gravitas to humble subscribers' testimonials, blows.
I've hated Goodman ever since his serial appearances on SNL denigrating Linda Tripp, whose only crimes were to be born as ugly as my dead dog's dick, and to tape some phone conversations lest the Hot Springs Mafia use her body parts for chum.
Other than that, I guess I'm okay with Direct TV, considering I don't have it.
P.S. It IS a Direct TV commercial, right? I never pay much attention to the actual product in advertisements. If you're not using sex to sell your goods, I generally don't have a fucking clue as to what you're hawking.