Velociworld

THINGS I HATE

I don't know why people hate mimes. I suppose it's because they're too stupid or lazy to come up with their own hate list.

Mimes don't bother me. Why hate someone who keeps their mouth shut?

Me, I hate barbershop quartets. Fuck the Patriot Act, John Ashcroft should be shot for the simple reason he harmonizes with Jim Jeffords. That is some sick shit. The mere mention of Sweet Adeline has been known to throw me into epilectic seizures.

I also hate A Prairie Home Companion. Well, let me be specific. I hate Garrison Keillor. That smarmy, condescending cocksucker can kiss my ass. And he sings. Much worse than a barbershop quartet, too. I can't stand motherfuckers from Minnesota and Wisconsin who think they know jazz, and would like to lecture me on race relations.

Garrison Keillor can suck my knob. No, wait. He can't. That would make me gay. I have enough issues without gaydom afflicting my world.

Question: if I let Keillor kiss my ass, does that make me gay? How about if I put a wig and some lipstick on him? Damn. This is complicated. If I shoot him, does the penetration signify latent homosexuality?

Perhaps I should go look at Jenna Jameson stick her finger up her butt. Level my soul, so to speak.