Velociworld

WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?

I try to stay off the political here. Not because I dislike politics, but because I do, and here be my getaway.

I must take issue, however, with the "groundswell" out there, in both the blogosphere and the corporate-shill media, about "Disaffected Republicans Staying Home on Election Day".

What a bunch of bullshit. A story conjured from the thin vapours, like the Dean Phenomenon. The same people supposedly grousing they're staying home on election day are the same people labeled "broken-glass Republicans" in 2000, who would crawl over said glass to the polls to defeat Al Gore. Now I want all twelve conservatives staying home on election day to cry "Huzzah!", then go belt some pissrot whiskey and polish Pat Buchanan's Mercedes tire rims. The rest of us will be voting.

Here's the deal: Conservatives are curmudgeonly by nature, only they bitch about their own, instead of bitching about how they can't rip right-wing reactionaries' minds out of their skulls and paint them with the rosy hues of True Belief Socialism.

Let me tell you about W: he's not nearly as liberal as certain conservatives lament (spend your tax refund on Jimson weed seeds again, boy?). I think steel tariffs are stupid, and anti-competitive, but they're going to collapse under WTO sanctions, anyway, if they haven't already. The bloated farm bill was bullshit, but at the very least I hope a true honest farmer or two benefited, and not a pseudo-farming peanut-subsidy-sucking whore like Jimmy Carter. That education bill was a sop. Remember how W said he was going to change the tone in DC? REMEMBER? We fucking voted for him after he said that, so please try to remember. I don't think W envisioned the War On Terror when he laid that in Kennedy's lap. Unfortunately, it went down. At least I don't remember any bilingual bullshit in it, so it is what it is. Money spent, unnecessarily.

I damned sure know W isn't a right-wing reactionary, as the left savages him. Kyoto? It was killed by the United States Senate 99 -0 during Clinton's term. John Fucking Kerry voted against it. The rest of the world repudiates it, or keeps it on the back-burner. Who's implemented Kyoto?

ANWR? I thought we were supposed to get out from under the boot heel of the Saudis. I recall a pretty consistent theme of energy independence in every Democrat's platform. Let me clue you in: my car isn't running on seaweed, or windmill power (don't you know conservatives put up those windmill farms to kill bald eagles? Yes! I was at the secret meetings. It was beautiful). The War in Iraq was for oil? Why didn't Bush just lift the sanctions, cut some sweet contracts, and start pumping? Oh, you mean he was going to steal it? It's been a year. I read a lot about new schools, and textbooks, and local governments, and reliable electricity, and running sanitary water, but I haven't read about any stolen oil. I thought Halliburton was the most corrupt, venal organization on the planet. And they forgot to steal the oil? Fuck. They're all fired.

Here's the deal on Bush. He's a moderately conservative guy who's ten feet taller than anyone running against him. He makes a lot of decisions based on his gut, not his pollsters, and he's wrong sometimes. Like every freaking one of us. But he's taking it to the mad bastards in Islamoscrotum, and that's his primary job. As far as I'm concerned that's his only job. That and step away from the economy.

I vow: I will personally sow the broken glass across the elementary school parking lots, and churchyards, and fire-stations, just so I can laugh at the naysayers when Bush voters crawl over it to vote in November. Caveat to voters: bring your own tweezers and Band-Aids. I don't do Concerned Mommy worth a shit.