January 29, 2004
TEN RULES, REVISED
Via LeeAnn, I've come across (well, come upon) Commissar's Ten Rules of Blogging. Well said. However, like any back seat macaque monkey, I'm going to adjust them to my particular viewpoint:
1) Do not apologize for light blogging. Why would I do that? My hits skyrocket when I shut the fuck up. It's Pavlovian, I reckon.
2) Do not link every word in sentence. Okay, Comrade. Fair enough. But what if I'm linking, say, morphodites? That's different, right? Don't that get a pass? And, by the way, welcome to Club Tranny, Cumrade.
3) One topic per post. Well, that fucks me all up. You see, my whole gig is based upon the bait and switch. I generally start with a post on, say, origami, and the next thing you know Angel Eyes is dead in a grave. But that's my trademark. Your point is, I suppose, well taken by the short bus crowd. Most bloggers need that sort of guidance.
4) Keep it short. Amen, brother. Er, comrade. I've been known to shave three times during one Den Beste post. I figure if you don't have the reader hooked by the second sentence you're the fucking triangle player in the E Street Band. Lend some support to us virtuosos, hammerhead.
5) No free Trackback posts. Got me there. I literally don't know what a Trackback is. I get my links the old fashioned way. I pay for 'em.
6) No false updating. People do that? Why? Is it like putting a potato in your Speedos, or something?
7) Identify your sex. What the fuck for? So you can hit on me? Does my gender have anyfuckingthing to do with my intellect, or writing? By the way, my name's Kim. Fly Me.
8) Give us more than...(the basics..). Well, that will cost you extra. VelociPremium will give you full details on my genital statistics, as well as medical updates on my string warts and halitosis. Annual colonoscopy videos included.
9) No quizzes. Yeah, verily. See this.
10) Set Site Meter to "Ignore Own Visits". Well intentioned, comrade, but how else would I be the Big Dog I Am? How about I set my Site Meter to "Ignore Latvians"?
Kudos to Commissar for watching me despoil his hard work. Hopefully he'll take it in good humor. The hermaphrodite.