Velociworld

FAIR TRADES

I like the barter system, especially this time of year, when April 15 peers menacingly over the horizon of the Ides. I don't mind paying a fair amount of taxes, I merely resent like hell the use to which they are put. I don't want to pay for Warren Buffett's Viagra, and I don't want to pay for a crack whore's dental work. Call me old-fashioned.

Bartering: tell me two things, as disparate as they may be, that you equate as being of equal value. Two things that would make for a fair trade.

Fer instance: I once traded a 1971 Ford Pinto for an eight-ball of devil's dandruff. 1984. Now, you may think that was a bad deal, but the guy I traded with was trying to escape with embezzled funds to California (unbeknownst to me at the time), and needed wheels. I wanted a buzz. That nose candy lasted me 4 days. That Pinto made it to Alabama the next day and blew up. So who got the better deal?

Tell me two things you think are an even swap. I'll be glad to tell you if you made over, or got screwed. I make time for my friends like that.

UPDATE: The Bride just suggested trading me for an eight-ball. Sheesh. It wasn't too long ago I was worth an uncut Oh Zee. At this rate in five years I'll be worth two tongue licks on a well-scraped mirror. She must be using an Accelerated MACRS Depreciation Schedule, or something. Either that or I need to swipe some of Buffett's Viagra.