Velociworld

NOT IN MY BACK YARD

What is the freakin' deal with MCI and their "MCI Neighborhood" commercials? The ones cross-marketed with Michael McDonald's "Motown" release and I suppose what is the 42nd greatest hits compilation from James Taylor?

Where do these idiots get their ideas?!? Were they spoon fed mercury drippings from thermometer shards? Kids, these marketeers are not your father's baby boomers.

Listen, thalidomide babies: Michael McDonald sucks engorged pinto ponies. The boomer world is divided into two groups: Tom Johnston Doobie Brothers and Michael McDonald Doobie Brothers. Well, there is a third group. Some people just don't like the fucking Doobie Brothers. And that's okay. Not a big fan myself. But if you ARE going to come down in one t'other of the Doobie camps it better be humming China Grove, not Takin' It To The Streets. The only thing Michael Mcdonald ever took to the streets was his daddy's Vista Cruiser station wagon to take momma for her therapy sessions.

There was a whole generation of DJ's and music "critics" who gushed over the "whiskey-soaked stylings" of Michael McDonald in the seventies. These losers are all thrice-divorced tittie boys, still driving their mommas to her therapy sessions. The very idea of this limpdick singing Motown with anything resembling "soul" puckers my ass. He's Colonel Sanders' bastard grandson is all, and he's probably a wife-beater like the Colonel, too.

James Taylor is a bit more problematic. I like ole James okay, and I'm generally fond of ex-junkies as a rule, but Shower the People is almost 30 years old, and not one of JT's stellar efforts.

Query: what particular string of my heart are you nipples trying to pluck? That heartstring that seized up in terror when that old man stuck his head under my stall in the Sears restroom when I was sixteen? Wrong fucking heartstring. That one broke, to be replaced by a piece of black licorice, and a distrust of old men in general, and perverted old men in particular.

Listen, you screwheads: you want to get me nostalgia-sized and buy your product? Show me Linda Lovelace honking for Jesus, or Sylvia Kristel in a Thai brothel. These a few of this fucker's favorite things.

If you must go with musicians, how about Ozzie singing Iron Man, or Jimmy Page and the aforementioned Sylvia with a certain fish?

Work with me, people.