December 16, 2003
CHRISTMAS SHOPPING FOR THE BRIDE
My system, for what it's worth:
Christmas Eve: go play a round of golf with the homies. The ones with the Cuban cigars.
Do four shots of tequila at your local watering hole. A good local bar will put a worm in each shot. Drink Cuervo Especial, not that gourmet sippin' shit. You buy that stuff to get girls drunk.
Go to Victoria's Secret. Spend 50% more than you both agreed is "the limit" this year.
Buy everything a size too small, except for the bras. Buy those a size too large.
On Christmas Day ask her to model her new step-ins and sech for you. She will look at the size tags and demur.
Say 'I understand. You might want to exchange them for a different color. Here are the receipts.'
Get your annual pity fuck. Go on, take it. You earned it.
Oh, excellent technique. Very impressive.
Posted by: zombyboy at December 16, 2003 7:50 PMOhhh, you are SOOO SMOOOOVE, baby.
Damn. I think I lust you.
Posted by: margi at December 16, 2003 8:51 PMYou are the white man's version of a Player and a genius in your own right.
Posted by: Jack Straw at December 16, 2003 10:14 PMI always looked forward to my annual pity-fuck when I was married.
Posted by: Acidman at December 17, 2003 4:46 PMrudyco, ya stole all my bitterness. now i got nuthin to say, 'cept: happy hellidaze!
Posted by: Horse with no-- at December 17, 2003 10:14 PMYa putzes. Hookers are holy. You save them for Easter.
Posted by: Velociman at December 18, 2003 5:19 PMKey,if your a man and he hasn't given it up by now,he won't.
If your a woman and he hasn't given it by now,introduce him a nice guy and give acidman a call.
Posted by: M. at December 18, 2003 7:20 PM