Velociworld

MORE EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

Let us recount. My prurient, voyeuristic soul has asked for many things from my Faithful Readers in the past. I've asked you to share your Most Embarrassing Moment, I've asked you about the ugliest person you've ever copulated with, hell, I even think I've asked you about sex with amputees. If I didn't, I apologize. I certainly meant to. (Memo to self: scroll the archives.)

The best response I ever got was from a fellow who claimed to have bedded a retarded girl. He claimed he thought she was just slurring because she was drunk, and only realized the Horrible Truth when she was still slurring the next morning. We know he lies like a fucking dog, he knew she was motor-skill-challenged lame prey all along, but we honor him anyway.

A new question for troubling times: Have you ever been caught in flagrante delicto by your parent(s), or, even better, by your partner's parent(s)?

As usual, I'll go first to show I'm pervert partner first, window-fogging pecker-puller second.

I was never caught per se, but when I was dating The Bride my parents were out of town, so I ditched my flea-infested rental unit for my parents' house. Real food, real liquor cabinet. One thing led to another, and we ended up working over every non-breakable surface in the place, and broke a card table, too.

A few days later I was at my parents' house for some of that real food and my mother presented me with a tiny pair of baby-blue panties. "I found these under my bed" was all she said, but she looked over at Medusa and froze her ass into Georgia granite. Damn! I didn't even remember that part. We used a bed?

Okay, not the greatest story, but I have parameters here. I am necessarily limited in the full recounting of my youth by the proximity of my beloved. So you will NOT read the story of the U.S. Marshal's daughter in the backseat of my car parked outside her house, a really homely mutt, nor how I heard the tap tap tap of a United States Government U.S. Marshal issue chromed 4 "D" cell flashlight on my window. Nor of my subsequent flight after pushing her out the passenger door. I can't tell that story here.

Here's another story: when my cousin was 15 he got caught buck-fucking-naked in bed with a 13 year girl and an ounce of Columbian by the girl's mother. He jumped out the bedroom window, jeans in hand, but of course his folks were waiting for him when he got home. He wasn't exactly anonymous within the Burnside Island community. The worst part? That was my fucking lid he left behind.

So how about you? Ever get grounded for life for that sort of behavior? Shot at? Called two days later by the girl's mom for a date?

Tell me. I want need to know.