Velociworld

DRIVE-INS

No, it's not Friday, and therefore technically not time for a Nostalgia, but it's MY Friday, and I set the rules around here, by gum. Well, when the warden is feeling generous, and I've polished her hobnail boots to sufficient shine.

I loved the drive-in as a kid. Who didn't? My mother was always bundling the five of us kids into the station wagon and motoring down the street to the Montgomery Street Drive-In. There was also a drive-in on Victory Drive, and there was drive-in food on the Drive, but that was a luxury due to the fact the Montgomery was so much closer. This was before the days of the fancy Weis Auto Cinema, with it's air-conditioning units. Sheesh. How can a child stroll the pavement and listen to teenagers gump when the windows are all rolled up and the air conditioners are blasting?

Where was my father? Hell, I don't know. Either working late, up in Atlanta because the General Assembly was in session, spree drinking with friends, or chasing tail. He pursued work and pleasure with equal vigor, and results. Listen: he used to have two secretaries, Pat and Reba. Even an eight year old could see the homely Pat was doing all the work, while the dolled-up, sleazy Reba filed her nails. Company jump. Reba stayed on the payroll for about five years before the inevitable "or else". Dad learned an important lesson that day, I tell ya.

Keep 'em out of site, dumbass.

Where was I? Ah, yes, the movin' pitchers. My mother loved horror movies, especially vampire movies, and the sixties were the heyday of Hammer films. All the movies had the same plot: Dracula (Christopher Lee) was back, and Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) had to destroy him. Same sets, same bit actors, except for the buxom British actresses. They rolled them through at a pretty good clip to satisfy Christopher's voracious appetite.

They once flipped the roles, and Cushing played Dracula. Bullshit move. Nobody bought that.

In high school, at that Auto Cinema, it was skin flicks. She-Devils on Wheels, you know what I mean. A girl, a bottle of Mateus, another rejection.

They had a drive-in in Memphis when I lived there. Took the girls to see a dinosaur double-feature. They loved The Flintstones. I asked them if they liked the dinosaurs. They said yes. Then I said you're going to love Jurassic Park! They did not, and Skeeter was about two and a half and kept escaping and running through the pavement, no doubt looking for gumping teenagers.

They have a drive-in here, or did a couple of years ago. Took the kids to see the Rugrats movie. They liked it, but the thrill is somehow gone. The movies suck, I miss the corded speakers you hung off your window, and that wonderful greasy drive-in food gives me the screaming shits.

I'll never go back, unless the kids are away, The Bride wants to get in the back of the Blazer, and they bring back Hammer Films flicks.